Recently, I watched that show Rock Center on On Demand, which is a decent sort of a show. and because it’s taped, I can just fast forward to the best stories. I’m always a sucker for a magazine show, although none has ever been as smart or good as 60 Minutes. Anyway, I just watched Sheryl Sandberg interviewed. And then it seemed everywhere I looked, there was an article on her. I read a lot of them and it left me feeling grateful.
Sheryl Sandberg is Facebook’s COO. She’s a billionaire, and is still just 43. She has written a book called “Lean In,” which is about helping more women gain entry into positions of power in the workplace. She says women should, “lean in” to business, not be afraid to take risks and go for the bigger jobs.
Now, while I love the idea that a hugely successful women is out there breaking down doors for my gender, I am also feeling like this is a bit of a repeat. I think we’ve heard this “you can have it all” thing before. Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we visited this feminist ground prior to Sheryl’s book? This woman is clearly is a superstar. She has her undergraduate degree from Harvard and her M.B.A from there, too. In rapid fire pace, she went from being an economist at the World Bank to becoming a chief of staff for Lawrence H. Summers, then Treasury secretary. Her next job? None other than a little start-up called Google. And then in 2008, she went to Facebook. This woman is smart, attractive, and hard working. She’s also married to a really successful entrepreneur, the CEO of Survey Monkey, and she has two kids. She has the whole enchilada. And good for her. But can all women have what she’s having? Is it realistic to think that all of us can get things to line up like Sheryl? Hmmmmm.
While things are wildly different and better for women in the workplace, in just my lifetime, I know there are more strides to be made, more changes to seek, more equality real estate to own. And I”m all for it. I am. i think women are amazing. I think, in many ways, they’re smarter than men BECAUSE of their biology. We are made to be multi-taskers. We have to know how to juggle a lot of balls, because we’re the ones who biologically grow and birth the babies. And I believe because of that our compassionate side, a more innate and developed characteristic of females, could do the world a lot of good. So, I get it and I embrace this idea that women should seek more high powered business positions. But……
But wasn’t the whole point of the women’s movement to give us choice? Wasn’t it to say, if you want to work in business and have a career, you can, and if you want to stay home with your children, you can. And if you want to do both, you can. I thought that was what the women’s movement had created for us: choice. Now I know Ms. Sandberg is trying to push us forward, but does she realize we don’t all get the golden education, the uber mentors, the husband/business partner that makes it all possible? From where I sit, you gotta have a lot fall just perfectly to make this thing work, and STILL YOU’RE GOING TO MISS STUFF. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE SHIT BOSSES. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO WEIGH AND MEASURE THE CHOICES YOU’RE MAKING. YOU’RE GOING TO MISS DANCE RECITALS AND BASEBALL GAMES, AND THE DAY YOUR KID WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND. YOU ARE. I’M TELLING YOU. YOU ARE. I just don’t believe you can do two things at once and have them both work perfectly. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible.
And let’s discuss those women for whom Harvard isn’t an option, and for whom working is a mandatory. Let’s talk about women who hold down two jobs because they’re single moms, or because they’re husbands are out of work, or because they just plain need more money for their families.
I’m just one woman. One story. But for me, I appreciated having the choice, as imperfect as it was. I have been grateful to get to do both, but I sacrificed, and when push came to shove, I chose not to pursue the kind of career I might have if I hadn’t had children. Ultimately, for me, my kids won out. AND I’M GOOD WITH THAT, GRATEFUL FOR THAT. I’m grateful that I even had that choice, because many women don’t. I have been lucky to work in my profession in a less high powered way, than I might have had if I hadn’t become a mom, but I carved out a way that worked, and continues to work for me. I made a choice that was better for my family and better for me. And that’s what I thought Gloria Steinem was trying for. I say to Sheryl Sandberg, “You go.” But I also say, “We can’t all be just like you.” Life isn’t perfect for women who want to have it all. It’s possible, but it’s not perfect.
*the gratitude-a-thon 