Some people love a parade, but me, I LOVE an award show. Give me the lights, the paparazzi, the crowds and the carpet of crimson, my couch, my dinner, my computer, my phone and I’m like a pig doing the moonwalk in mud.
My sister and I could give Joan Rivers a run for her fashion police money, as we have badges and we’re not afraid to use them. Beware the snark-a-thon about to happen.
My Worst Dressed List
1. Julie Roberts. I guess when you have a smile that covers a city block, you’re not thinking so much about what you’re wearing, but hey Julia, did anybody tell you that you wore a strapless dress over a white blouse to a red carpet event? With a belt that looked like it was part of the dumb white shirt? This thing was the biggest miss of the night for me. Pretty woman? Um, not so much.
2. Paul Patton. I’m pretty sure they were shooting a movie featuring Paula Patton’s dud of a gown. “The woman who killed people at the Golden Globes with her dress.” This is stupid, ugly and totally unwearable. When she was presenting, I thought she was going to knock out everybody else on the stage and run off with the award. She didn’t, but she could have.
3. Drew Barrymore. I love Drew and her sunny disposition and I actually like the fabric of this dress. But when you’re pregnant, you gotta define that upper part of you, or you look like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float. And I’m afraid this was the case for our girl Drew. Sorry, babe, it wasn’t good. Phone home, and see if they can bring you another dress.
4. Edie Falco. Could I love her more? No. Could I love her dress less? No. You’re not a present we need to unwrap, although admittedly, someone should have, and put you in another dress.
5. Jennifer Lawrence. I have publicly admitted my girl crush on Jlaw, so it pains me to say that this dress did nothing for my girl, but IT DID NOTHING. Well, nothing good, anyway. It did squish her boobs, and force her to tug it up every time the camera was around. Jennifer is so real, so candid, so FUNNY, she should have worn something more fun. This wasn’t just unfun, it was unpretty.
6. Julie Bowen. I have never once seen Julie get it right on the red carpet. Whether it’s her hair or her dress, or usually both, she always looks just plain bad. This year she had on a prom dress for the nerd of the class. And unflattering hair. This woman has a banging body that’s toned and could rock anything. But this dress? Who is her stylist, I ask? You should have your license revoked.
7. I love Lena. Love, love, love her. But this dress, I hate, hate, hate. Ok, maybe I don’t hate the dress, but I just hate it on her. This yellow submarine doesn’t fit well and the hem looks like it was taken up at the last minute. And her hair is not doing anything good either. She looked like she was just having fun with it and not taking herself or the whole show seriously, so I give her major points for that. But she deserves to look like the brilliant, funny girl she is. This was a big yellow miss for me.
8. Mila Kunis. “I’m going to wear a necklace of tin foil to the Golden Globes and see if anyone notices,” said Mila. I did. I noticed. Do I get a prize? I also noticed that you looked dreadful.
9. Zoe Saldana. Where do I begin? Where do I end? This is like four different dresses that might have been pretty if worn separately, but together they make for a style cyclone. She is gorgeous, her body is gorgeous. Why? Awful. Bad. Awful bad.
10. Zooey Daschanel. I love the skirt. I love the top. I love the shoes. But all together, this thing was a frumpy fiasco. And that rose in her hair? I kept covering it up in pictures to see if I liked the look any better, but I didn’t. I think you need a fitted top with this skirt, or a more fitted bottom with the top. Together, she looked like a sparkly grocery bag.
And now for the best of the best.
1. Emma Roberts. I think a black dress is celestial. And this one is cut perfectly. PERFECTLY. I don’t love her hair and makeup, but this dress left me swooning.
2. Camila Alves. Girl, you got a good looking accessory on your arm, but you don’t need it with that dress. Perfect fit, perfect style. You’re golden, alright.
3. Cate Blanchett. Let me just say that I HATE THE HAIR AND THE EARRINGS, but this dress is sheer perfection. And it fits her like she came down the birth canal wearing it. Cate is so flawless in her style, and she always dresses like a lady and not a girl. She is elegant 24/7. This dress is just beautiful.
4. Olivia Wilde. Way to rock the bump. Simple. Beautiful fit. Perfect. It’s not easy to dress for a baby, but baby, you did it right.
5. Amy Poehler. It’s not enough that she is hysterical, sassy and smart. She looked totally beautiful, modern and comfortable in this Stella McCartney. I am all over this look. I LOVE HER. AND I LOVE HER DRESS.
6. Lupita Nyong’o. This look is out of the ball park, and into the next country. I was mesmerized by this dress and the gorgeous simple way she wore it. This girl just burst onto the scene and she is not only gorgeous, she has impeccable style. The only problem is how do you do better for the Academy Awards.
7. Emma Watson. Way to be young and fresh and fashion forward all at the same time. We’ve watched her grow up and she’s grown into a beautiful woman, with spot on style. Hermione would be proud.
*the gratitude-a-thon 
Agree agree agree with ALL of your hits and misses. You left out in the hit category (IMHO) – Kerry Washington (also rocking the baby bump) and the actress from 12 years a slave in that gorgeous red sheath w/cape. Oh also – the color of Kyra Sedgwick’s gown – wow. And Julia Louis-Dreyfuss…also Hits.
Julie Bowen – wow – the should pads. but I was happy that she covered up her bare bones chest – which she usually exposes and frankly – she is TOO skinny.
And as wacky as she was — Diane Keaton has been rocking the outfits from way back.
Okay – done. Must get to work now! xoxo
i agree with you. i forgot to add one of the best looks of the whole night, but just did–lupita nyong’o. my jaw dropped. and i also added emma watson. she looked perfectly young and fresh. i love diane’s style, and julia always looks great. i just ran out of steam!
glad we agree. now, what shall we wear to dinner?
yes yes to Emma Watson! LOVED her outfit! Okay – if we don’t look at our calendars and make a date – our dinner is never going to happen! I am around pretty much all of the next few weeks (going to see Once this thursday that’s about it) — what night(s) might work for you?