Ok, so it turns out not having a host for the Oscars was the best thing that has ever happened to that little statuette. The show had more energy, the movie clips were a bit longer, the speeches didn’t get cut off by annoying music. The kick-off by Queen was cool and speaking of cool, who is cooler than the girl trio of Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Maya Rudoph not being hosts. Yeah, I’m into the no host deal. It worked.
But of course, some of the red carpet’s looks did not work. And here they are now:
Lady GaGa. Hip hip no way.
She may have had the $30 million dollar necklace Audrey Hepburn wore on her press tour for Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that dress made Audrey roll around in her grave screaming, “NOOOOOOO.” (I heard her). Why would you want your hips to look bigger? I don’t get it. Call me shallow.
Rachel W (HY) eisz.
She is wearing a rubber glove as a top. That there is latex. Who could possibly have thought this was a good idea? DomiNOtrix with a hairband.
Linda Cardellini. There are layers and layers of wrong here.
This is like a 50’s peignoir having a bad menstrual cycle.
Kacey Mus(t not have looked in a mirror)graves.
Tutu pink. Tutu princessy, Too, too much.
Maya Rudolph is funny, this dress is not.
She is so talented–adept at comedy, singing, acting, but not so much dressing. This looks like she pulled a Gone With the Wind “I’ll make my dress out of the curtains” moment while visiting her very feminine grandmother.
Elaine Welteroth. The hostess with the mostest.
You know how they’re banning straws everywhere? Now we know where they all went.
Sza. Her expression looks like even she wonders why she wore this mess.
This is like a bridal look gone awry crossed with Frederick’s of Hollywood sheets ripped quickly from a bed. And hey, is there a towel, up there at the top?
Sarah Paulson. Badass in a bad dress.
She’s wearing the color of the night, but not in a good way. So here’s what I’m thinking. The designer made her a skirt, but it was too short, then not knowing what to do with it, he/she just decided to make it a top. Also, there’s some kind of lacing situation in her midriff. Yeah, NO.
Diane Warren. Some people know how to write songs. Some people know how to dress. Guess which one she is.
Where to start. How much time do you have? The blazer is too long, plus it has that weird braiding down the arms, The pants and shoes look like they were stolen from a high school marching band. But it’s the necklace/dickey that really gets this look into the category of “you’re the worst.”
And the best, and they were good.
Brie Larson. How Oscar would look if he were Silver.
Oh the simplicity, the cut, the slit, the fit. Easy hair, gorgeous shoe. She gets the gold for this silver number.
Regina is King of the carpet.
The curves of this dress were sublime. If Beal Street Could Talk, it’d be all over this absolutely gorgeous look.
Marina de Tavira. Muy Bueno.
I don’t love red. But this look got me. It fit beautifully and I was crazy about her diamond danglers that also had some red in them.
Gemma Chen. I never met a pocket I didn’t like.
I adore this dress. It’s formal, but looks crazy comfortable. And the pockets. Who does not love a pocket? Nobody, that’s who.
Angela Bassett.
I hate, hate a sculptural dress, but this one worked for me in a big (shoulder bow) way. It fit like a glove and her makeup was somewhere beyond perfection.
Jennifer Lopez. Mirror, mirror on the wall.
She’s the fairest one of all. J-lo always knows how to go high. She does a red carpet like no other. Day-um, this dress.
Michelle Ye Ha, I mean Oh.
Wow. This was just so pretty. The cut was classic, but the fabric was unusual and sparkled with every move she made. I’m crazy about it.
*the gratitude-a-thon 