And here we are, the morning after the slap heard round the movie-loving world. Listen, I get the whole sticking up for your woman thing, but to march up on stage and smack the comedien host for a joke? That’s just some really bad theatrics, an optics nightmare for a publicist and plain and simple unacceptable violence. In fact it’s actually called assault in the legal world. Better reactions are obvious–for instance not laughing post-joke, and instead nodding your head back and forth as Jada did, and mouthing “no” would have adequately gotten the point across. Or, walking out of the arena while Rock was onstage would have also been a high road way of showing disapproval. I gotta say, I thought I’d see good fashion and bad fashion and what the hell were you thinking fashion, but not a moment that was upsetting, embarrassing and took focus away from other’s who were being honored for their career bests. I loved Will Smith’s performance as Richard Williams, but Will Smith himself, not so much after that dramatic turn.

BUT, let’s get to the clothes! It was mega fun to see people back on the carpet without that pesky accessory, the mask. So many really brought the looks this year. All that isolation made for some good sartorial choices. Of course, not everybody planned wisely. And if they did, what fun would that be?

The no good, very bad red carpet looks you’d avoid wearing unless you were being held hostage by Putin.

BILLIE IE didn’t-know-what-to-wear-so-I-wore-something-all-of-my-fans-could-fit-into-with-me LISH.

Remember when Carol Burnett tore down the drapes and wore them in her take-off of Gone with the Wind? That’s where my head went. We know Billie likes a voluminous silouhette, but this was all-out circus tent chic. Look at her expression. Even she knew this was a roomy disaster.

EVA VAN BAHR gets religion.

In the name of the father, the son and the holy spirit, what in God’s name do we have here? I love the bag. I mean, carrying around a full-on head seems kinda fun. But this is all-out atrocious. Even the cherubs couldn’t save this look. Amen.

Knock knock, who’s there, oh, it’s MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL.

I don’t love an architectural dress to start with, but lined with decorative door knockers AND an actual HOOK and I’m just out. Yes, she can direct, yes, she can act, but no, she should not be able to dress by herself ever again.

NAOMI great SCOTT, I forgot to press my dress.

Perhaps you can’t see it in this pic, but the hem of the cape, as well as the bottom hem of this dress looked like it’d never seen an iron in its ugly little life. Unflattering, giving her a tummy where I’m sure there probaby isn’t one, and calling up chest shields from ancient times, this was a head to toe no. She played Jasmine in Alladin, but this was no Disney princess look. Next time say Press to the Dress.

JESSICA CHASTAIN may have The Eyes of Tammy Faye, but not for colors that match.

I love the top of this gown. Talk about color matching your hair to your dress–winner, winner, chicken dinner. But rust and lilac? That’s like ketchup on cereal, mud on ice cream, Will hitting Chris–just wrong.

TRACEE ELLIS ROSS who’s boobs were the boss.

Oh boy, one wrong move and those girls are leaving home. Good thing she donned her cape when she presented, or we could have had a full-on Janet Jackson at the Super Bowl moment. This Mickey Mouse top is ill-fitting and well, in my humble currently-wearing-my-flannel-dog-pajamas-right-now-opinion, just ugly. But the necklace, yeah, I’d like to have that little gem around my neck.

MAYA I’m going to be comfortable or I’m not going RUDOLPH.

You get to a certain point where you look at a waistband like it’s an evil spirit who will eat your family. But orange you just a little sorry you donned this peignoir-inspired triangle, Maya?

DIANE just because you can write, doesn’t mean you can get dressed up WARREN.

She has about a bajillion hit songs, but this suit was just unsuitable. I mean, I know, pants are her thing, but the wearing o’ the green with black? No. A necklace that belongs on another look? No. A gold heart pin that has no simpatico with the silver at her neck? No. That’s a no, a no, and yes, a no.

And those who hit it outta the Dolby Theater, clear into my fashion BEST EVER diary. There were lots of Do’s here, so had to cut it down to the the Do-iests.

ZENDAYA As MC Hammer said back in the day, “U Can’t Touch This.”

This head-to-toe bit of heaven knocked me out, but not before I kept repeating the word “perfect” on a loop. My co-watchers were like, “shut up, already.” But I couldn’t contain my overwhelming adoration and began to sound like a broken record. My sister called to say, “This is it, right?” (Boy, does she know me.) This combo of classic and modern is just so 100%. It’s casual glamour, it’s modern cool, it’s the fucking best look I’ve seen in years and years. I would marry this outfit, but I’m already married.

LUPITA NYONG’O is a go (and a glow).

God, I love bling. Bring the bling, I say. But never has it hit the carpet like this dress. This was like “DO NOT ADJUST YOUR SET, THIS IS THE NEW BRIGHT.” I really loved this look. And while some people might say it’s too much, I found it to be just enough. The hair kept the whole thing modern and that smile, well, it’s always as bright as the dress.

KIRSTEN DUNST red it right.

This was like The Great British Bake Off had a frosting contest and the winner got to cover Kirsten in it. If only she’d worn matching lipstick, this would have been a 10, but even without, the sublime fit and simple hair were pretty close to perfect.

SOFIA CARSON just tulling around.

I am all about tulle. If I could get away wearing it on a daily basis, I would.(Can you see me in my LuLu’s with some tulle on the ass?) This dress is every single thing. The shape, the volume, the color. This dress still has me drooling. Her hair scores an A and her makeup is on point. This is princess meets perfect.

VANESSA HUDGENS has grown up and out of high school.

Sleek and sparkly, this is one gorg number. Vanessa has brought a lot of great looks to the carpet this season, and this one kills. Hair is modern, but glamourous for a really stunning look.

Ok, people, aside from Worst Scene in an Academy Award Show given to Will Smith, what were your faves? Please share. We need the fun.

There are buds on the trees. The crocus in my tiny front garden are blooming. The air is not yet humid, but fresh and screaming “no more big, stupid coats.” I am going to go out on a leafy limb here and tell you I put away my shovels (which could very well mean there will be one at least one more snow, so sorry for that).

It’s spring. It’s finfally hope-inducing, get-out-your-gardening-gloves, love-is-in-the-air spring. That time of year when days grow longer and even lagging spirits rise like a helium balloon. Aside from the spectacular allergies, I cherish spring. Nature being all self-centered is pretty hard to resist.

This spring feels especially important, as the world feels crazy and unpredictable in so many ways. (I feel like I’ve been saying this a lot over the last few years–is this the new normal?) So, get on out there on a bike or a hike, or buy some pansies, and pull out the lawn furniture. Clean the grill, go sit at an outdoor cafe, haul out the summer clothes, and open the fucking windows. It’s spring, a fashion show of earthly delights. And something to be sneeze, sniff, cough, where-is-my-allergy-spray damn grateful for.

I lost a glove last week. And it made me cry. Uh huh, in the Whole Foods parking lot.

It wasn’t even a glove I liked. The fit was a little wonky and I’m not a big Michael Kors fan and they had his silly logo. But the loss took me.

Maybe it’s because I lost a first cousin a few weeks ago, and I’m losing my 14 year old dog a little more every day and the loss I am seeing in Ukraine makes my heart feel like it’s been set on fire, Maybe it’s because of all the loss that Covid has wreaked on us since March 2020. Maybe it’s because winter in Boston is doing it’s usual thing–boasting hopeful temperatures, one day and the very next day turning on the snow. And well, I’m not even going to bring up what the M. Night Shamalan-type horror the climate report that recently came out has had on my system.

I think a lot about gratitude when things feel overwhelmingly gray. Even though when you’re not feeling great, it feels like the last thing you want to do–see where the light shines in. But it’s exactly what can help.

It’s pretty easy to look at images of people, who are just like you and me and your neighbor, and watch them lose their families, their homes, and their hope during a senseless war and think about how grateful you are to have all you have in your life. That’s kind of a no-brainer gratitude, but good nonetheless, it’s still noticing what you have and that reaps you benefits. But how about pushing a bit further. How about we look at all the people who are helping Ukranians. How about Jose Andres and The World Kitchen feeding those with nothing. How about the Polish women who left a bunch of strollers near the border crossing for new mom’s with babies in their arms. How about President Volodymyr Zelensky, who has no real experience in politics and has become an absolute hero to his country and the world.

I feel a gratitude deep, deep down in for all the big and small stories of people helping to make an unspeakably awful situation better. It is the acknowledgement of this kindness and humanity that keeps me going in the face of such raw and inhuman actions. Focusing on the good in people vs the bad in people is a way to get ourselves through the horror, and a way for us to do whatever it is we can do to help others, in Ukraine, here in the US, or just on the block where you live.

See, that’s the way gratitude can make us better. We notice, we stand at attention honoring those who are the helpers, the doers, the game changers. And we bow in grace.