http://player.vimeo.com/video/27920977?title=0&%3Bbyline=0&%3Bportrait=0href%3D
Holy tulip, Batman, this is incredible!
gratitude-a-thon day 62: taking a day off just because
Take the day off. For no reason. Because you feel like it and your mental health needs a fluffy pillow and nice Cosmo. Throw out your To Do lists and eat bad food. Watch stupid tv. Take a bubble bath. Tell them at work that you’re coming down with something that could be contagious, if not fatal. Lock the door. Dance on the island in your kitchen. Do your toes in a color not found in nature. Scream as loudly as you can into a pillow. Sleep. Don’t answer emails, in fact, don’t even look at them. Shut off Facebook. Buy a pile of beauty magazines and pretend you look like the cutest model. Read People. Call a really good friend and tell her you love her. Tell your spouse, other, kids, you’re not cooking and that they can cook themselves or get takeout, or starve, but it’s your day off. Stay in your pajamas, or dress up, or don’t wear make-up, or pile it on like you were going to the freaking Academy Awards. Write the first paragraph of a novel you will never finish. Look at puppies on the internet. Watch or read at least one really funny thing and make yourself laugh. Really hard. Push back your cuticles. Condition your hair with mayonnaise. Give yourself a honey mask. Doodle. Dawdle. Play Words with Friends with someone you don’t like. Make soup. Organize your underwear drawer. Whiten your teeth. Pluck your eyebrows. Internet shop, but don’t buy. Count the change laying around your house. Lay around your house. Cuddle with your dog/cat/hamster/guinea pig/mouse that won’t leave your kitchen. Do this every few months. You will ward off evil spirits, and stay healthier. You will like yourself and all the people who live with you, more. You will feel better in every way. Don’t ask anyone if you can. That defeats the mischievous purpose. Like Nike says, just do it.
gratitude-a-thon day 61: stars
I love stars. On a good night they seem to be procreating in front of our eyes. There is nothing like the free entertainment of laying on a beach, or a deck, or a backyard lounge chair and staring upward at a million sparkly natural diamonds. I went to Mauna Kea, the dormant volcano on the Big Island of Hawaii once, where there is an observatory. The stars feel so close to you that it seems quite possible you could reach your hand out and grab a bunch and stick them in your pocket to take home. The only way to get to the top is by car, and it’s all hairpin turns and fog, without the benefit of even one street light. It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. So, naturally when I was star gazing, as beautiful as it was, I was also wishing on every one of those damn sparklers that we’d get back down that massive mountain alive.
I have an old tin star I got at the Brimfield flea market lots of years ago, and it’s been living on a shelf in my living room ever since. I also scored some rusty old stars there, which I love for their dirty elegance.
When I was like 9, my sister’s college roommate Liz, was an art major and when I visited their off-campus house, painted on the wall was “Starry, Starry Night.” I had never seen it before and I was blown away. I didn’t know that it was a rip-off of a famous artist, so I was little-kid impressed and I stayed that way until I learned it was really Van Gogh’s, and even then I thought she was some sort of God.
My mom used to do the wish-upon-a-star ditty with me all the time when I was little. “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.” I spent a lot of my childhood making wishes with my mom.
There’s something really hopeful about a night sky filled with glittery gems because it means the weather will likely be good the next day. You can only see stars when it’s clear enough to view them. So, being the fair weathered girl you know i am, you can only imagine how fucking excited I get when I see a sky filled with stars. In fact, I’m wishing for one tonight.
gratitude-a-thon day 60: places where it’s always spring
It is March 20, spring, three days after St. Patrick’s Day and ten days before Easter, and there is like 6 inches of snow outside. Yesterday it was snowing, hailing and raining. My kids didn’t have school. And if you don’t know by now, you have not been paying close attention, or even any attention to these here blog posts, or you’d know that I HATE WINTER. AND I HATE SNOW. AND I MOST HATE WINTER AND SNOW WHEN IT’S MARCH AND SPRING IS A FEW DAYS AWAY. And so, I have taken it upon myself to review places I AM DREAMING OF MOVING TO, so as not to take someone out with my caustic anger. The list is comprised of my favorite places which are not visited upon by plummeting temperatures, or white drifts.
1. Hawaii, the Big Island
This place is extraordinary. It has black sand, and lava craters, and a dormant volcano, and mountains, and rainforest and I give it a number 10 on the NOW-THIS-IS-A-BEACH scale. Plus the people are really, really nice. Really nice. It’s probably the weather. I’m sure I’d be a much nicer person in better weather. (on second thought, maybe not.)
2. Bermuda
This place is so pretty, it’s sort of hard to believe. It’s all pastel and manicured and the beaches are outstanding. There is this one beach, which I’ve already blogged about that is my idea of a fat slice of beach heaven (Horshoe Bay). The problem with Bermuda is that, while it doesn’t get snow, it isn’t warm all year long, which is kind of an issue. But gosh, it’s pretty.
3. Southern California
I could live in a lot of places in SoCal, including the San Diego area, specifically La Jolla. I know a lot of people find L.A. a heartless, soulless place, but I agree with Randy Newman, “I love L.A.” It’s got good beaches, and good city, and good food, and cool stuff to do. It’s unfortunately really far from everybody I know and love, except my cousin Gabe, but I think he would get sick of me pretty quickly.
4. St. Maarten
Yes, it’s poor in places, that make it difficult to enjoy yourself, because of the guilt, but this place is stunning. Physically gorgeous, this island gets high marks, and the French side (which is really the only side to go to) of this gem has exceptionally good food. Long Bay has been the location of many of my fantasies, as well as my meditations. I give it an 11 on my NOW-THIS-IS-A-BEACH scale.
5. Miami. My sister just moved there. Nuff said.
There are other dream places that I’ve never been to that I think about packing up and heading for, like Bali and Tahiti, and Bora Bora and Kuai. But for now, I’m here just trying to celebrate spring WITH MY BOOTS AND MY SLEEPING BAG COAT ON.
gratitude-a-thon day 59: friday night lights
I love it when I can watch a whole season, or a whole bunch of seasons of a really good tv show. I know you might think I am shallow, or I should be reading a book, or writing more blog posts, but let’s remember, we here at the gratitude-a-thon get to decide what we’re grateful for, and today it’s Friday Night Lights. (Lighten up, it’s not like I was watching the Kardashians or something.)
I had gotten into this show on a vacation in Europe a few years ago. We would have a jam-packed day and before bed, it was something we could all watch together, and something that was actually in our native language. But somehow, while I really liked it, I lost my mojo for it when I arrived home and never continued watching it. This past weekend, trying to take my mind off this stupid “PAIN IN MY NECK,” combined with the March Madness Insanity monopolizing all the people in my house, except my dog, I needed a little something something that could entertain me, and the first of five seasons of Friday Night Lights did the trick.
This is a really good show. It’s nuanced and smart, and a real character sketch of a small, rural Texas town. I really like that Kyle Chandler dude, who plays the coach. He’s so earnest and sort of adorable, that even though I DESPISE FOOTBALL, I kind of love him. And the premise is great. A football-crazy town where that pigskin means everything to everyone, has a new high school coach (the cutie Kyle guy) and in the first game, the star quarterback gets paralyzed (which made me stop breathing for like 60 seconds, before I remembered that it was just a tv show), and the rest of the season is just how this event will change the football season, and possibly that of the cutie Kyle guy coach and his family’s future. But while there are all the key players you might expect, the overzealous and bossy father who recruits another quarterback from New Orleans (a victim of Katrina) behind the coach’s back, and the perfect cheerleader, who was going out with the perfect quarterback, and planning the perfect life, before the accident, and the best friend of the QB, who is broody and bad boy and totally hot, and is sleeping with his now paralyzed friend’s girlfriend, but is so cute, I can’t even not like him for doing it, there’s also really great writing. And great acting and reacting. And beautifully crafted character development.
Anyway, I am into like the fourth episode, and the cool and fun thing is there are four more seasons! Pay dirt. Gratitude touchdown!
gratitude-a-thon day 58: Choice
Recently, I watched that show Rock Center on On Demand, which is a decent sort of a show. and because it’s taped, I can just fast forward to the best stories. I’m always a sucker for a magazine show, although none has ever been as smart or good as 60 Minutes. Anyway, I just watched Sheryl Sandberg interviewed. And then it seemed everywhere I looked, there was an article on her. I read a lot of them and it left me feeling grateful.
Sheryl Sandberg is Facebook’s COO. She’s a billionaire, and is still just 43. She has written a book called “Lean In,” which is about helping more women gain entry into positions of power in the workplace. She says women should, “lean in” to business, not be afraid to take risks and go for the bigger jobs.
Now, while I love the idea that a hugely successful women is out there breaking down doors for my gender, I am also feeling like this is a bit of a repeat. I think we’ve heard this “you can have it all” thing before. Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t we visited this feminist ground prior to Sheryl’s book? This woman is clearly is a superstar. She has her undergraduate degree from Harvard and her M.B.A from there, too. In rapid fire pace, she went from being an economist at the World Bank to becoming a chief of staff for Lawrence H. Summers, then Treasury secretary. Her next job? None other than a little start-up called Google. And then in 2008, she went to Facebook. This woman is smart, attractive, and hard working. She’s also married to a really successful entrepreneur, the CEO of Survey Monkey, and she has two kids. She has the whole enchilada. And good for her. But can all women have what she’s having? Is it realistic to think that all of us can get things to line up like Sheryl? Hmmmmm.
While things are wildly different and better for women in the workplace, in just my lifetime, I know there are more strides to be made, more changes to seek, more equality real estate to own. And I”m all for it. I am. i think women are amazing. I think, in many ways, they’re smarter than men BECAUSE of their biology. We are made to be multi-taskers. We have to know how to juggle a lot of balls, because we’re the ones who biologically grow and birth the babies. And I believe because of that our compassionate side, a more innate and developed characteristic of females, could do the world a lot of good. So, I get it and I embrace this idea that women should seek more high powered business positions. But……
But wasn’t the whole point of the women’s movement to give us choice? Wasn’t it to say, if you want to work in business and have a career, you can, and if you want to stay home with your children, you can. And if you want to do both, you can. I thought that was what the women’s movement had created for us: choice. Now I know Ms. Sandberg is trying to push us forward, but does she realize we don’t all get the golden education, the uber mentors, the husband/business partner that makes it all possible? From where I sit, you gotta have a lot fall just perfectly to make this thing work, and STILL YOU’RE GOING TO MISS STUFF. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE SHIT BOSSES. YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO WEIGH AND MEASURE THE CHOICES YOU’RE MAKING. YOU’RE GOING TO MISS DANCE RECITALS AND BASEBALL GAMES, AND THE DAY YOUR KID WAS BULLIED ON THE PLAYGROUND. YOU ARE. I’M TELLING YOU. YOU ARE. I just don’t believe you can do two things at once and have them both work perfectly. I’m pretty sure it’s impossible.
And let’s discuss those women for whom Harvard isn’t an option, and for whom working is a mandatory. Let’s talk about women who hold down two jobs because they’re single moms, or because they’re husbands are out of work, or because they just plain need more money for their families.
I’m just one woman. One story. But for me, I appreciated having the choice, as imperfect as it was. I have been grateful to get to do both, but I sacrificed, and when push came to shove, I chose not to pursue the kind of career I might have if I hadn’t had children. Ultimately, for me, my kids won out. AND I’M GOOD WITH THAT, GRATEFUL FOR THAT. I’m grateful that I even had that choice, because many women don’t. I have been lucky to work in my profession in a less high powered way, than I might have had if I hadn’t become a mom, but I carved out a way that worked, and continues to work for me. I made a choice that was better for my family and better for me. And that’s what I thought Gloria Steinem was trying for. I say to Sheryl Sandberg, “You go.” But I also say, “We can’t all be just like you.” Life isn’t perfect for women who want to have it all. It’s possible, but it’s not perfect.
gratitude-a-thon day 57: Louis Schwartzberg
Wow. Just wow. (Watch the whole thing, because there is a short film at about the five minute mark, which is gratitude-ish-ness at its best!)
gratitude-a-thon day 56: colleen’s birthday!
gratitude-a-thon day 56: Christopher Reeve
Don’t make me go into the whole looooooonnnnnnngggggg story. It’s too boring. And I hate boring. And I hate talking about it, because I hate having to identify myself with it. But here’s the abbreviated version. I was a sick kid. I didn’t have anything super serious, something wrong with my urine tract, that made me spike fevers of 105 regularly, had me popping antibiotics like they were lifesavers (my favorite was and is green) and forced me to miss 65 days of 1st grade. Then once we figured that whole thing out (which was painful and involved), I was plagued with strep throat for many years (years when the medical world thought you should keep your tonsils to boost your immune system. (HEY DOCTORS, I KNOW I’M ONLY 10, BUT DOESN’T IT SEEM LIKE THEY’RE DOING THE OPPOSITE WITH ME, SO SHOULDN’T WE JUST PULL THESE SUCKERS OUT AND GET ON WITH IT?) Once again with the high fevers and the missed school and the antibiotic candy. I finally had those stupid lumps of flesh out, and that was that. And then I’ll just fast forward: My period was awful. So awful, I’d just go to the nurse when I got it and be sent home. I got a cyst when I was a junior in high school and had to have a big surgery to have it removed when I was a senior, leaving me missing six weeks of school, and giving me my first attractive abdominal scar. (hooray!) Another cyst when I was 24, which burst while I was visiting my boyfriend in California, who was studying for the bar. I had to have emergency surgery at UCLA hospital, and stay there for a week. My boyfriend was angry and told me he was going to fail the bar (BECAUSE I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN AND I CAME OUT SO HE COULDN’T STUDY.) My sister flew out to be with me and take me to her friend, the first Marlborough man’s house to stay. Needless to say, I broke up with the shit boyfriend. (and he DID flunk, because sometimes in life, things actually are FAIR). And I should mention that if the flu was going around, if people had colds, etc., I would get the thing for longer than was normal or fair (which I’m guessing is from that constant diet of antibiotics when I was young.) And then at 20, I hurt my back. I had run in high school and college (not competitively, or from the police), but for exercise and fun, and I got sciatica in my Senior year, but didn’t really believe it had to do with my back because I was so young and naive, and sort of kept running, and doing things I shouldn’t have been doing, like lifting up my boyfriend’s niece, and there it was, herniated disc. Well, this thing has dogged me since then. I have been in bed for months on end, been in physical therapy for years of my life, have had to quit jobs, quit fun stuff I love to do. I could make this longer and more involved because it is, IT IS LONGER AND MORE INVOLVED, but I’m not going to. But just know that it’s been a crap thing I’ve had to deal with since I was 2o. A total crap thing. And I’m not going to even get into the infertility years, because, well this is long enough, and we all know how that turned out (I had two amazing kids on my own, after surgery and three years, and well, that’s enough on that, but there is much more.)
And now for the last year, I have had a thing with my neck. A pain that began when I was stuck in bed with the flu for six days last February, and that I thought was just a crick up in there. But it’s not. And here’s what I’ve done for this constant, no-position-I-can-get-into-that-alleviates-it, pain in the neck: personal training, physical therapy, chiropractic, acupuncture, trigger point injections, brachial nerve blocks, and guess what? It’s still there. Still sitting right beside my neck like one of those little devils who tells you what to do in movies when they’re showing you someone’s two sides. The thing about it is, that I can do all my stuff (except for strength training, which is awful), but I am in constant pain. I had one of the brachial nerve block things yesterday, and it hasn’t worked. I don’t feel any difference. Which means, that the next plan to do something called RFA, which I haven’t done my homework yet, but is something where they kind of fry your nerves, probably won’t work either. And so I felt sort of desperate yesterday. Sort of “how am I going to get rid of this pain and how am I going to live with it IF I CAN’T?” And then one of my personal heroes popped into my head. Christopher Reeve. I actually never liked his acting much. I kind of hated that he didn’t have a top lip (God, I’m a jerk), but when he was paralyzed, this guy blew my doors off. And every time I would feel the least bit sorry for myself (which I was doing yesterday), I would think of all the things I could do that brave Christopher Reeve couldn’t do, and I would tell myself to just get over myself and be grateful (see, I’ve been playing this little game for a lot of years). Anyway, he handled his unbelievably horrible situation with such grace and courage, he really did become someone I thought about frequently. I went from disliking him as an actor, to LOVING HIM AS A HUMAN BEING. I was lucky enough to get to see him speak at MIT not long before he died. I was impressed and moved way beyond words, and cried for a good long time afterward.
Anyway, this was longer and far more detailed than I even wanted it to be, but today, I GIVE ALL MY GRATITUDE to Christopher Reeve. He still is teaching me stuff. And I thank him. He really was a super man.
*the gratitude-a-thon 