I’m always trying to find ways to explain the importance of gratitude to people without sounding like I’m a paid influencer for the Hallmark Channel. It’s not uncommon for the word “gratitude” to make people think you’re a kook, or cheesy, or an old-school grandma, wearing an apron and dishing out platitudes like they’re chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.

With a hideously violent, divisive, terrifying war on our hands (not to mention on our phones, computers, iPads, tvs, radios, and newspapers), who couldn’t use something to help us cope, something to help magnify the good in our lives?

There is a simplicity to a gratitude practice that’s easy. What’s more difficult is drilling down to the essence of what you’re grateful for and being able to take that thing in. You can write down or think about a number of things that would make your list, but to get the benefit, you have to give the object of your gratitude some real thought. That’s where the transformative magic percolates.

I know, I know, sometimes our endless To Do lists make it impossible to focus on ONE. MORE. THING. There are plenty of days when I have to kick myself in the head. “Hey, this. THIS is something to notice, ” I say out loud, (and hope nobody else hears me) But the more I do it, the more able I am to remember to do it.

Gratitude is $0, but it offers high stakes dividends. It’s quiet, but it can make a fiercely loud difference in how you roll. It’s all around us for the taking, even when we’re facing the worst of humanity…..

If you try, it’s really not that hard to notice good people, places or things in your everyday life, that fill you up like a Chef’s Kiss Italian meal. Or, if Italian is not your jam, a Mexican meal, or, you know what I’m saying, WHATEVER YOUR FAVORITE MEAL IS. Fifty years ago, who would have thought that hyper focusing on what you do have in your life versus what you don’t have in your life would have a profoundly impactful influence on your happiness, your health, and your overall well-being. Nobody is who. But here on gratitude-athon day 3,004, I can tell you, it does. It really does.

Last weekend I had an unusual experience. I felt happy. Perfectly and unabashedly happy.

And I felt that way for like, a whole hour or so!

Right now you’re either feeling sorry for me, or you’re wondering if I’m one of those malcontents for whom happiness is as elusive as watermelon in New England during the winter (but don’t get me started on this hideous fact, really, you don’t want to get a watermelon addict started on her inability to get her hands on her seedless, crunchy obsession for months on end……).

But I’m not, I just feel like happiness is a like trying to hold a fish, you can’t do it for long on account of the band of thieves who want to steal it.

Worrying is one of the worst happiness pickpockets. Because let’s face it, we are all worrying about all the things, all the time. Like what? Well, we worry about our kids, our parents, and other family members–how they’re doing, if they’re happy (that word again), if they have love and friends and meaningful work, and purpose, enough money, and healthy health. We Worry about ourselves in the same way, our careers, our bodies, our marriages/partnerships/love lives, our social lives, our financial lives, our intellectual lives, our diets, our dogs. Then there is the wake-you-up-in-the-middle-of-the-fucking–night worries. Mine consist of things like the mammoth climate change CRISIS, the Grand Canyon sized political, financial racial, and gender identity division in our country, and of course the absurd and insane abortion ban. My bonus round includes things like,

–If Trump is elected again, how will I get someone to put me in one of those induced comas until he’s out of office?

–Why do I have cellulite?

–What can I do about homelessness at 3:00 AM?

–When will ALL the rescue dogs get rescued?

–And of course, what are we going to do about New England’s winter watermelon crisis…..

I mean, was Bobby McFerrin right

when he sang, “Don’t Worry, Be Happy?

Another happiness zapper is the Unexpected Disaster. These range from a pop-up health catastrophe that can be managed, but demands immediate and unplanned action, to your, or a loved one’s more serious heart attack/cancer diagnosis/broken body part. Then there is the parade of major life-changing emergencies, like car accidents, deaths, lost jobs, lost loves, a lost homes, bouts of anxiety, depression, name your mental health issue du jour……

So, you see, at least for me, there are a number, a pretty big number, of things that can get in the way of me feeling consistently happy. So, last week when I went on a hike with my husband and dog Daisy on a sunny, blue sky, NO HUMIDITY day followed by an unusually delish lunch outside, and then home for a super nice night, while thinking about how both my kids were scoring fairly high on the mommy-meter of doing well IN THAT MOMENT (because you know, this is subject to change at any moment) , I just suddenly felt a shot of happiness go through me, like a shooting star. For at least 60 minutes, I WAS HAPPY, all seemed right in the world. Cue the harps.

Of course, that elusive state didn’t last long, and abruptly ended when a host of worries came charging in like a gang of rowdy frat boys.

But just that hour of unadulterated happiness made me feel heaps and heaps of gratitutde! And it also made feel greedy, because I realised I wanted more of those moments.. So, when my friend told me she was reading a new book by Oprah and Arthur C. Brooks called The Art and Science of Getting Happier, Build the Life you Want, I Kindled it up before she could even finish her sentence. I just started it, and I can’t wait to see what tips and tricks it offers on becoming happier. Because, let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be happier. I mean, even if you’re happy are you really going to turn down being happi-ER? I don’t think so. I’ll report back. In the meantime, how do you do happiness? Let me know in the comments. All happiness advice and experience welcomed, encouraged, and happily (See what I did there!) appreciated.

When I was walking Daisy today I was noticing all the flowers that are giving off end of summer 23 vibes. Some already fading with petals dropping to the ground, others ebullient and narcissistic. And yet others, just coming to life on autumn’s clock.

As we were making our way to the dog park, I noticed this old wooden fence, a picket fence that would be in front of the perfect house with 2.5 kids, you know the one? And it was pretty beaten up, chipped away paint, probably on the owner’s list of Things to Replace That I Don’t Have Money to Replace. Wound around it’s rickety pickets were delicate and vibrant hot pink roses. The look of the old and the bold, the tender and the seen-better-days just stopped me in my tracks.When I finally walked by, I wanted to go back for a picture, but Daisy was anxious to get on with the walking part of the walk, so I resisted.

But what I started thinking about is how everyday is made up of the coming up and going out, the shine and the shit, or put simply, the bad and the good . We see the beauty of a bride and groom from afar, never knowing that the blushing bride had lost her first husband to a tragic car crash. Or you admire someone who buys a house, but don’t see they work on fixing its faulty parts every weekend for the next three years. Or you watch a go-getter go get all the way up the ladder, but you never glimpse how his oe her spouse left them on a rainy night in April, or how they never had anyone in their lives that fit the definition of “friend” in Merriam Webster’s big volume.

But you know, the yin and yang is what gives the world its balance. Seeing those roses on that old fence made me understand how one enhanced the other in the same way a rough path makes you appreciate the freshly rolled black tar pavement of a newly laid street. The fears that haunt you in the black of night disappear into a sun-filled morning of possiblity. The impossibly ugly.and hearty sadness of death is paled by the arrival of a new baby who cries from deep in their tiny lungs, “hello, world.”

I’m grateful that I’ve grown to understand that failures, bad days, questionable dates that could bore one into a welcoming coma, crushing defeats–personal and otherwise–failed classes and love affairs and jobs, were always providing the manure that would make the good days, the successes, the adventures, friends and love that much more. That much more beautiful.

I haven’t been writing about my gratitude lately, but I’ve been feeling it. Sometimes it stops me in my tracks, and I think, “Damn, wouldja look at this.”

Here’s a little rundown of what I’ve been noticing lately, but have not been blogging about (I’m putting myself in the naughty chair for this) on the gratitude front:

Sometimes when I’m in my car and it’s really hot out and I turn on the air conditioning and the radio, I think about how thankful I am for the blast of coolness and tunes. I mean, how great is it not to be sweating like I’m in a sauna while I drive around singing like a pretend Taylor Swift? Plus, double bonus gratitude points that nobody can hear me, because well, THE ONLY THING TAYLOR AND I HAVE IN COMMON IS A VAGINA.

Yup, here’s me in the car.

It feels to me like Daisy, who we’ve had for almost a year now seems to have been bred with us in mind. Her sweetness, easygoing and affectionate personality, and the “I love everybody” way she lives her life are one of those things I can’t help marveling at. I’m in a constant state of, “How did we get this dog? How did we ever get this dog?” This is a non-stop 24/7/365 gratitude. I mean, HOW DID WE GET THIS DOG?

My daughter not only graduated from law school a few weeks ago, a week later, she actually got a job! When you think about your little toddlers toddling, you wonder what they might become when they grow out of their diapers and into adult clothes. Because she was so adept at arguing, we’d always laugh and say she was a born lawyer. Well, it turns out she is, and her expert arguing is going to help people in New York city avoid getting evicted. Ally is a real combo of substance and style and yup I am feeling VERY grateful she is launching into a life of public service that she is wildly excited about. Good show, Al–no argument.

We surprised the graduate with her name in lights! (A little funny that she’s called Ally and she’s going to be doing work where she’ll be an ally. And no, I didn’t think of that when I named her.) As her party invitation and our kitchen party banner says, “It’s like if RBG & Elle Woods had a baby.” Yup, that’s our girl.

It’s Farmer’s Market season! I’m pretty sure there isn’t a vegetable I wouldn’t marry, so browsing my options makes me giddy. Also, it’s just nice to support people who work the land and grow beautiful food. So, yeah, a bushel and a peck full of gratitude on that front.

It’s summer. And I love all things that are summer, like the whole flowers everywhere thing, the beach, every inch of it, including the annoying sand. Vineyard vibe, Cape escape.. Who doesn’t want to pull out the flip flops. I adore an early morning of blue sky before the sun goes balls to the wall. I love a summer night with a little breeze. I even love a hot, steamy days (but only a few). As a confirmed winter-hater, summer is my season and I am here for every single second of it with a gratitude that’s Mount Everest big.

One of my favorite people just moved back from 10 years in California, and although she has literally about one million family members who love her, I believe I am the happiest of any of them that she’s back! Welcome home Colleen! “Meet me in the middle of the day……”

Lastly, how can I express the gratitude i have for Trump being called out on his bullshit? There’s nothing big enough that could hold my feelings of thankfulness that someone so evil is being exposed in a court (multiple courts, in fact) of law on all his lying and cheating about very serious stuff. Take the lid of the dumpster and uncover the garbage. Halle-gratitude-lujah.

Ok, ok, I’m going to write more regularly about all I have to be thankful for. And you, how have you been? Tell me about your gratitude. Oh, c’mon, it’s always better when you share it.