Tag: kids growing up

gratidue-a-thon day 2046: when the baby graduates

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I thought I would be all emotional and ugly cry when my son graduated from college, but I felt nothing but relief, elation, and a boatload of gratitude. While I might have sobbed my way through his entire senior year of high school, wiped out by thoughts of his upcoming departure to the coast across the country, my mascara stayed put last week when he walked across the stage and off of it with a diploma in his hands and a gargantuan smile on his face.

Sending your kid to college is challenging. There are a multitude of reasons, but one of the primary reasons is that you have to try and understand just exactly how a tiny little fetus on that thin ultrasound paper became a full-fledged, 3-D, real-life baby, then a (destructive) and adorable toddler, an elementary school chatterbox and finally a high school kid with his own mind. This part is impossible to comprehend. I don’t believe we’re equipped to understand time, or at least, I’m not. And so it isn’t unusual to find me sitting with a dumb look on my face, gazing into space and pondering where those smaller versions of my son could possibly have gone. Like is that little boy with the big eyes running around Italy or Sweden? How could he have just disappeared?

Jake is staying on the West Coast for now. My parents were super cool about giving me and my two sisters wings, and telling us we could go anywhere we wanted, but that we always had a home. This gave the three of us a lot of guilt-free freedom (well, I think we always felt guilty, but not guilty enough to go back and live in our small town). My husband and I have given our kids the same free reign. But I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. I miss that damn kid every day.

I have deep and complex emotions about Jake graduating. College so far from us had some major bumps. He didn’t learn the things I thought he’d learn, but instead a whole bunch of other things I’d never considered. He is forging his own path. This is what kids do. They will not learn from your hard-won mistakes, they will make their own and hope they can help someone else, but they cannot because for some reason, this is how the damn thing works!

I am still processing all I feel about my son becoming a college graduate and taking another step toward adulthood. But what I do know for absolute sure is that I am so damn grateful for my boy, and I celebrate this event with scads and scads of pride, love and hope.

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gratitude-a-thon day 411: dear parents, i have some advice for you

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Jake last year, graduating.
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Jake at the end of the semester, having survived a three month pledge to become a frat boy.

Dear parents of about to be high school graduates:

I have a little advice for you.

I was you last year on this day. It was sunny and beautiful just like it is today. You probably have a range of complex emotions, some which may even be associated with the fact that you have family here for the blessed event and can’t stand them. But go forth my friends, this day is a big deal. On to my advice.

1. If you’re going to Brookline’s ceremony, bring sunscreen, a hat, a full box of tissues, water, and if you can swing it, an air conditioner. Also if you’re shooting in actual film, bring more than you think you need, because although you know you’ll take a lot of pictures, you will take more than that.

2. Today is the beginning of the change. Yes, we women go through the change in our 50’s, but this is the late adolescent change, and you should be prepared. No matter how lovely, sweet and adorable your kid is, they’re just about to board the “summer of detachment” bus. This bus travels through the summer months trying to drive away from you. It acts up and acts out, but this is just in preparation to drive to its new destination. This is normal. This does not mean your kid doesn’t love you. It’s just the opposite, your kid loves you so much, it’s hard for him/her to leave you, but they have to, on account of it’s part of life. And they’re trying to figure out a way to do it. Hence the bus. Hang in there, they’ll be back soon enough.

3. Expect to be weepy and happy and crazy and mad a lot this summer, as you too, try and figure out this next stage and what it means for your family. If this is the last kid to fly the coop, leaving the nest empty, you have a whole new world ahead of you. This takes some getting used to, but just remember, you have a whole bunch of new found freedom. I suggest swearing a lot and walking around the house naked, you know things you couldn’t do when your kids were in the house. Go out all night. Leave the kitchen dirty. Eat cereal for dinner. Celebrate the stuff you can do now. You’ll miss having your kids in the house, but have fun with in your new gig, there’s a lot to enjoy. If you still have kids at home, this is a whole other story. It will take some time to adjust to the new family dynamic. It took us several months, but it was great once we did, and it’s allowed us  to get to know our daughter in a whole new way.

4. On that college drop off. It’s sad. No way around it. That little baby, that you’ve known all your life, who’s endless and disgustingly smelly diapers you have changed, is about to take his/her first step to independence. You’ll be fragile and excited. This is what you’ve been preparing them for. You done good, mom and dad. Let yourself cry.

5. They will be back. Physically and emotionally. And they will be different, as their college experience will have changed them. Jake is not the same as he was when he left, because he learned a lot and while things are going well this summer, they are different. In a good way. But I will never quite get over the massive and constant transitions we parents have to experience with our kids. But you only have to look to this to know you will survive, because the truth is, you have done this before, in fact, you’ve done it all their lives. You watched a tiny baby who could do nothing but cry, drink and dirty diapers turn into a walker, talker, menace to a clean house. You have gone through the transition of leaving them at pre-school, with guilt in your heart. You have watched them master each grade, sport, mean friends and nice ones. You’ve had the “changing body talk”, the “sex talk”, the “don’t do drugs talk”. You have seen them excel, find themselves a little at a time, fall in love, navigate the complicated and wonderful big world. You’ve been going with the flow and adjusting to their constantly changing little selves since they were born. And you did it. This is no different. They just aren’t in your house while they’re doing it, and you are out a whole bunch of money. But my point is, that you will survive, flourish even. I promise. I did. Happy graduation day. Don’t forget those tissues.