Dear old man winter, you fat, ugly bastard, who thinks he can blow off steam (or rather snow) whenever you want, wherever you want (see multiple car accident in Atlanta a few weeks ago),

I am tired of you and your blustery manner, your self-centeredness and general cold personality. Why can’t you just warm up a little? What have you got against we New Englanders this winter? Have you geographically lost your way? Dude, you’re in Cleveland Circle, not the Arctic Circle.

I get that you are just doing your job, just chilling out. But I think you’ve taken it too far. There’s 10 inches out there. And it’s a toasty 21 degrees. Can I tell you how tired I am of my sleeping bag coat? The only benefit it has is that when I shed it in the Spring, people think I’ve been on The Biggest Loser, and I get all sorts of enviable stares and compliments about how much weight I’ve lost.

Look, I’m willing to give in a little, but you gotta give some too. Whaddya say, you keep throwing the cool temperatures at us, but you stop with the snow? In fact, if you need to keep doing the snow thing, why don’t you head over to Sochi. They’re having a bunch of winter activities that require that white stuff.

Warmly, (actually coldly, in fact, FREEZINGLY)

We here at the gratitude-a-thon (meaning, ME here at the gratitude-a-thon)