Oscar-a-tude-a-thon day 2054: the pink, the red, the sparkly and the i liked the no host

Ok, so it turns out not having a host for the Oscars was the best thing that has ever happened to that little statuette. The show had more energy, the movie clips were a bit longer, the speeches didn’t get cut off by annoying music. The kick-off by Queen was cool and speaking of cool, who is cooler than the girl trio of Tina Fey, Amy Poehler and Maya Rudoph not being hosts. Yeah, I’m into the no host deal. It worked.

But of course, some of the red carpet’s looks did not work. And here they are now:

Lady GaGa. Hip hip no way.

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She may have had the $30 million dollar necklace Audrey Hepburn wore on her press tour for Breakfast at Tiffany’s, but that dress made Audrey roll around in her grave screaming, “NOOOOOOO.” (I heard her). Why would you want your hips to look bigger? I don’t get it. Call me shallow.

 

Rachel W (HY) eisz.

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She is wearing a rubber glove as a top. That there is latex. Who could possibly have thought this was a good idea? DomiNOtrix with a hairband.

Linda Cardellini. There are layers and layers of wrong here.

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This is like a 50’s peignoir having a bad menstrual cycle.

Kacey Mus(t not have looked in a mirror)graves.

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Tutu pink. Tutu princessy, Too, too much.

Maya Rudolph is funny, this dress is not.

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She is so talented–adept at comedy, singing, acting, but not so much dressing. This looks like she pulled a Gone With the Wind “I’ll make my dress out of the curtains” moment while visiting her very feminine grandmother.

Elaine Welteroth. The hostess with the mostest.

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You know how they’re banning straws everywhere? Now we know where they all went.

Sza. Her expression looks like even she wonders why she wore this mess.

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This is like a bridal look gone awry crossed with Frederick’s of Hollywood sheets ripped quickly from a bed. And hey, is there a towel, up there at the top?

Sarah Paulson. Badass in a bad dress.

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She’s wearing the color of the night, but not in a good way. So here’s what I’m thinking. The designer made her a skirt, but it was too short, then not knowing what to do with it, he/she just decided to make it a top.  Also, there’s some kind of lacing situation in her midriff. Yeah, NO.

Diane Warren. Some people know how to write songs. Some people know how to dress. Guess which one she is.

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Where to start. How much time do you have? The blazer is too long, plus it has that weird braiding down the arms, The pants and shoes look like they were stolen from a high school marching band. But it’s the necklace/dickey that really gets this look into the category of “you’re the worst.”

And the best, and they were good.

Brie Larson. How Oscar would look if he were Silver.

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Oh the simplicity, the cut, the slit, the fit. Easy hair, gorgeous shoe. She gets the gold for this silver number.

Regina is King of the carpet.

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The curves of this dress were sublime. If Beal Street Could Talk, it’d be all over this absolutely gorgeous look.

Marina de Tavira. Muy Bueno.

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I don’t love red. But this look got me. It fit beautifully and I was crazy about her diamond danglers that also had some red in them.

Gemma Chen. I never met a pocket I didn’t like.

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I adore this dress. It’s formal, but looks crazy comfortable. And the pockets. Who does not love a pocket? Nobody, that’s who.

Angela Bassett.

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I hate, hate a sculptural dress, but this one worked for me in a big (shoulder bow) way. It fit like a glove and her makeup was somewhere beyond perfection.

Jennifer Lopez. Mirror, mirror on the wall.

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She’s the fairest one of all. J-lo always knows how to go high. She does a red carpet like no other. Day-um, this dress.

Michelle Ye Ha, I mean Oh.

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Wow. This was just so pretty. The cut was classic, but the fabric was unusual and sparkled with every move she made. I’m crazy about it.

gratitude-a-thon day 353: oscar fashion, the best and the worst of it

Yawn, yawn, yawn. Am I tired or just reminded of how boring the red carpet was last night. Not a whole lot of drool worthy dresses. In fact, E had unusually bizarre coverage last night and seemed not to have a lot of live interviews. Mani-cam, shmanni-cam, you need to give me the goods. But, resourceful girl that I am, I managed to find my way. And I watched until the end. And one more thing, I LOVE ELLEN DEGENERES EVEN MORE THAN I DID BEFORE THE SHOW, WHICH IS SAYING A LOT. She scored big, even though I hated her opening tux, although she made up for it with her Glinda dress. And now, on with the show.

The hate list

1. Liza Minelli

Somewhere over the rainbow of awful, was Liza. Kewpie doll lips, a streak of blue hair, and black orthopedic sneakers to top it all off. If you thought the “M” in “Liza with an M” was for “Minelli,” you were wrong, it was for miserable, which is what this get up made me feel like. Ellen hit the nail on the head with her witty dis, “There’s the best Liza Minelli impersonator in the audience that I’ve ever seen.” Good advertising for not getting plastic surgery, ladies.

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2. Whoopi Goldberg

This is more like “Whoops, I’m wearing a cheaper, uglier, polyester-er version of Julia Roberts Globes disaster.” I know Whoopi doesn’t like to get dressed up, but jeez, a black garbage bag woulda been better than this thing. Her red striped stockings and ruby slippers paid tribute to the wicked witch of the West, who looked better dead under the house than Whoopi did last night.

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3. Julia Roberts

Are you trying to tell us that you’ve put yourself in the category of Meryl Streep and that you are such a serious actress, that you just don’t care what you wear? I know Meryl, and believe you are no Meryl, Julia. So, what do you say we get ourselves a stylist and make an effort for  next award season? Or stay home and save our eyes from what we cannot unsee.

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4. Anna Kendrick

There’s too much going on, and ALL OF IT’S UGLY.

-f9d99dd615a991b15. Anne Hathaway

If a war broke out at the Academy Awards last night, we’d have been safe, because Anne Hathaway had on armour and she could have fought the battle and won. Either that, or the troops would have recoiled from the sheer ugliness of that dress and unflattering hair.

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And the best

1. Lupita Nyong’o

Lupita, Lupita, Lupita. She is like a piece of perfect. From her impeccable, modern, but classic style, which has been utterly flawless in every single photo I’ve seen of her, at every single event she’s been to, to her unblievably poised and lovely acceptance speech, this girl is just plain gorgeosity from head to heart.

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2.Emma Watson

At 23, this girl is already shaping up to be quite the fashion forward fashionista. She’s looked really great at all the award shows this year. What I like is that she’s thoroughly modern in an understated and comfortable way. It doesn’t hurt that she’s just beautiful, but I really dig her style vibe. Harry Potter would have liked it, too because she  is definitely magic.

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3. Charlize Theron

I wish the straps weren’t beige, but this dress is pretty fantastic. I love the bottom with the skinny underneath and see through top layer. That diamond she’s sporting is going to make her shoulders hurt in the morning, but hey, that’s what we do for fashion.

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4. Kerry Washington

This might be what Olivia Pope would wear if she were going to pop, and we all know how flawless Olivia’s clothes are. Kerry has really given the bump a bump of fashion this season, and last night was no exception. She looks perfect and effortless. And by the way, I think it’s a girl.

kerry-washington-290 5. Camilla Alves

Probably not that easy to be the “other half” all the time, but Camilla has done the entire award season on the arm of the man of the moment, and still managed to shine more brightly. Although this seems to steal a page from Lupita’s stunning Globes Ralph Lauren dress, I think it’s pretty special. It’s simple, but regal and modern at the same time. And the color is perfect with her skin tone.

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And so award season ends with kind of a fizzle. This show did not knock my sox off in terms of fashion moments. Sandra looked fine, but not exceptional. Meryl delivered the expected dowdy. Amy Adams looked ok, but not great. And now, I’m going back to bed.