gratitude-a-thon day 205: looking forward

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It’s’ overcast today. And my mood seems to be following suit. While I spent a virtually perfect beach day at Crane’s with Peter, Ally and her friend Sydney yesterday, today I woke up with yucky feelings about Jake leaving in two weeks and Jessie, his girlfriend of three years, who I love and adore, leaving this Thursday.

I have never been good at saying goodbye. It tinkers with my balance, and swamps me with emotions that are big as a small midwestern farm. I have no talent here.

I keep wondering if I spent enough time with Jake. Did I teach him all he really needs to know? Did I instill the right stuff, or will he only remember the dribble?

The waterworks are on.

God dammit, I hate the end of things. And I especially hate the time just before the end of things.  This is an exciting moment  for Jake and Jess, and I have to force myself to look forward and not backward. I will work on that today. Grateful that I will get through it. And that they will, too.

One thought on “gratitude-a-thon day 205: looking forward

  1. Oh, Toni, it’s so easy to relate. That maternal role, even after 18 years and lots of preparation, is hard to give up. I recall picking up Adrian @ Logan for his spring break. “Hey, Madre.” were his first words. My response, “You’re sick.” He, of course asked how I knew with only two uttered words. A mother knows!! Here’s the thing…I immediately fell into the care-taking role and LOVED it; almost got a high as I returned to this very comfortable and familiar place of responsibility. How sick is that?!!

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