This Brene Brown article on vulnerability struck a chord with me.
Maybe you’ve noticed, but I’m a pretty open person. In real life, I will mostly tell it like it is, let you know that the roll around my middle could save me in a global warming induced hurricane, that I often wait at the door for DSS to show up because my kids never clean their rooms, that I watch an absurd amount of television, and how I feel about almost everything else going on out there. Number one, I never try to paint a fake picture of myself, a coy woman of mystery. Nope, I will tell you the real deal.
Now, not everybody finds this an attractive quality. Some people find it frightening to go there, as in right at the truth. There have been times throughout my life, where I’ve considered my ability to “share,” a negative. Like when you are an open book at a party with someone you’ve never met, and they are obviously not a reader, and you walk away feeling like the head clown at the Big Apple Circus, because didn’t you notice that you should have stopped talking when they didn’t even share their name with you? You do the walk of shame on your way out of the party, embarrassed for the over share, reminding yourself to give your mouth a whopping dose of Kaopectate before the next party so you don’t get verbal diarrhea again.
But somewhere along the line, I realized that who I am is a talker and a sharer and a connector. What I’m not is a bullshitter. If you don’t like that, you won’t like me. And if you don’t like that, I probably won’t like you. I’ve accepted that I will let myself feel vulnerable, that I will open my heart up to others in a real way, and that if they don’t open theirs back up to me, that I’m not going to feel shame about having tried to be my real self, I’m just going to understand that they’re not my peeps.
I’m grateful to know that being my authentic self isn’t bad. What’s bad isn’t being who you are. What’s bad is not getting yourself out of dodge when you share who you are with someone who shouldn’t have the privilege to be in your life in the first place.