golden-globe-a-tude-a-thon day 2048: the best and the worst of the carpet

Didja watch, didja watch? The Golden Globes were on last night and you know what that means–an accounting from someone who loves fashion, but can be found sporting workout wear the majority of the time! But hey, this is the beauty of having your own blog, you can do whatever you want!

The worst, what-were-you-thinking, I-can’t-believe-you-could-have-chosen-anything-and you-chose-this, why-didn’t-you-call-me-before-you-left-the-house girls:

Melissa McCarthy. When Mickey Mouse designs your dress.

The minute I saw this star-studded purple tragedy, all I could think of was the wizard in Fantasia. Doesn’t M.M. have a clothing line? Such a big year for her, killing her first serious role, but ugh, Melissa, will I ever forgive you? Um, probably not.

fantasia-mickey-mouse-refrence-fantasia-fantasia-2000-blu-ray-review-of-fantasia-mickey-mouse.png

rs_634x1024-190106164001-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashionsmelissa-mccarthy.cm.1618

Lucy Lui, it’s elementary, you shouldn’t have worn this.

This dress is a hot mess. Those colors are hard and harsh. But what really throws this thing over for me is that overlay peignoir, superhero cape thing.

rs_634x1024-190106160029-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-lucy-liu.cm.1618

Amber, have you Heard, you should not wear your comforter out of the house.

fd4df6cf-7218-430c-8fac-fc4ed100932c-xxx_entertainment__76th_golden_globe_awards_20190106_usa_djm_45

Was it cold in L.A. last night? Because it literally looks like Amber had on a perfectly nice black strapless, but then got cold and wrapped her duvet covered comforter around her bottom.

Kate Mara, a top to bottom disaster.

23c6642e-2764-4f37-8f77-bb3a0add735f-globes140

First of all, that peach color washes out Kate, who is already peach colored. I could almost, actually bear the top if the bottom didn’t have that cheap lace (I’m pretty sure that came from a prom dress I wore in 1977).

Glenn Close pregnant at 71!

rs_634x1024-190106162051-634-glenn-close-2019-golden_globes-red-carpet-fashions.ct.010619

She is an amazing actress and her face looks really beautiful, but this dress? Does she or does she not look like she’s with child?

Judy Greer looked like she might tap dance any minute.

us globes 2341

I love a tuxedo. But this one looks like Judy went into her much bigger, taller and broader man friend’s closet (The Jolly Green Giant?) and just decided, what the heck, looks comfortable. Also the bow tie puts it into the category of silly–too big, too stiff.

Caitrona Balfe looks outlander-ish.

rs_634x1024-190106155528-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-caitriona-balfe.cm.1618

The top starts off ok. Black strapless–what could go wrong? But then, POOF, a satin balloon begins, topping it off with that silly between-the-boobs flower puff.

Bradley Cooper, A star is worn.

rs_634x1024-190106163354-634-irina-shayk-bradley-cooper-2019-golden-globes-me-010619

I just can’t. How did anybody let Bradley out of the house in a white prom tux with BLACK shoes on? I cannot actually imagine him looking worse.

And now, the best. And they were good.

Alison Janney. fifty fucking nine never looked so good.

rs_634x1024-190106171548-634-allison-janney-2019-golden_globes-red-carpet-fashions.ct.010619

Ba-bam. When Allison Janney walked onto the stage last night, I fell off the couch. The cut of that dress was more perfect than perfect. The fit, the color, that necklace–we are talking a 10 + 1,287,093.

Halle Berry is just not aging. The end.

rs_634x1024-190106173730-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-halle-berry.cm.1618

Halle always slays and this year, she did it again. Her greatest accessory is always that slammin’ bod.

Nicole Kidman destroyed.

rs_634x1024-190106171318-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-nicole-kidman.cm.1618

This dress looks painted on, it fits so well. I am not crazy in love with the color, but the simplicity and fit are bewitching.

Kiki Layne. If Beale Street Could talk, it would tell her how gorgeous she looked.

rs_634x1024-190106150451-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-gettyimages-kiki-layne

I never met a piece of tulle I didn’t like. This is a soft and stunning confection.

Lupita Nyong’o is feeling blue.

rs_634x1024-190106170331-634-2019-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-lupita-nyongo

I hate the hair. Let’s just say that upfront. But I love that dress. A perfect blue/purple and then all those little beads. Just enough movement, just enough shimmer. Wakanda!

 

3 thoughts on “golden-globe-a-tude-a-thon day 2048: the best and the worst of the carpet

  1. Right on Toni Momma … I was disappointed and switched over to watch Ray Donovan. Now Liev looks good even in a bloodied shirt.

    1. That man knows how to wear clothes! bloody, half dead, non-speaking–he is always a fashion do! i found the writing awful this year. was that the ray finale? don’t tell me!

  2. Bradley would have looked better if he peed himself on stage. But I guess everyone was looking at his woman anyway. Wow, who is she? She killed it. Next year we need to dress Melissa . Does she not know that black is a color? The Micky connection is so real, Disney should hire you to design their next line. Big ass polka dot hair bows in our future! Good read. Still laughing. Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s