gratitude-a-thon day 2083: red carpet ugly

Good morning, and hey, how about that Ricky Gervais intro! Of course, we’re here to be all judgy and Trumpian about fashion, not comedy, so I won’t comment (but I loved it). Is it just me, or was there an abundance of really ugly dresses last night? I could barely recover from one “I cannot unsee this” gown, when another came strolling down the carpet. 2020 has started with some disasters–an assassination and the horrific Australian fires, and well, the Red Carpet at the Golden Globes.

Goop’s Gwyneth. More like, Oooooops, Gwyneth.rs_634x1024-200105165948-634-2020-golden-globes-red-carpet-fashions-Gwyneth-Paltrow

From the girl who has convinced you how to live, what to wear and how to steam your vagina, comes a dress so ugly, she should be fired from her own company. Perhaps the tiny underpants situation is the worst (can you see them under there) Or is it that high fashion color–rust? Or is it that the necklace is underneath the fabric? Oh, I know, it’s the whole fucking dress. 

Michelle Williams. Maybe it was the hormones?

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Shout out to her speech on a woman’s choice, but I really hope this dress doesn’t reproduce. I know she is pregnant, but I think she’s wearing the baby sling a little prematurely.

JBow.

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I wanted to unwrap her so I didn’t have to look at this disaster. This dress was no gift.

Salma takes a dive.

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Salma was on her way to the beach in her bathing suit and then remembered that she had to go to the Globes. She quickly fancied her towel into a skirt and put her beach balls in her top and bingo, bango–red carpet ready.

 

Shailene Woodley. Black and blue and ugly all over.

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It’s really the big black blob on her neck that got me. A microphone? Was she communicating with another planet? Earth to Shailene, take off that necklace.

Jodie Com-on.

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This leprechaun-gone-wrong look really surprised me. Was she channeling Villanelle? She musta been, cuz, UGLY.

RE-Greta.

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Even she looks uncomfortable in this dress. That white band at the top was so restrictive. How did she even hug any of her little women?

Kirsten (Fashion) Dunce.

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She never gets it right. And score, she did it again.

 

Anna Paquin. Well, I like the hair.

Gosh, there are so many things wrong here. The sleeves are just hanging there like an afterthought. The shoes are someone’s grandmothers. Oh, and is that a matching bag there? Perfect.

Charlize Theron. I like half of it, anyway.

Bold move with that color green, which should be impeached from the Pantone Color wheel, but that underneath part, I love it.

And onto the meager choices for “best.”

Ana de Amas. Perfect.

This is a total 10 for me. A hit it outta the park. Fit, styling, RED LIP.

Renee Zellwegger. Somewhere over the rainbow.

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I hated Renee’s speech. She seemed drugged or drunk or both, but this dress–this dress, this fit, this body, we’re talking perfection. And by the way, has she always had a Southern accent?

Zoe Kravitz. I never met a polka dot I didn’t love.

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I wish it didn’t have the belty thing, but she had me at polka dot.

Glenn, not just Close, Completely There.

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I thought she looked stunning. The color and fit of this dress was really becoming.

Ok, so what did you think?

One thought on “gratitude-a-thon day 2083: red carpet ugly

  1. I look forward to this after every awards show. Your assessment of Salma Hayek’s outfit had me laughing out loud. Spot on, my friend. You should check out a country music awards show. Yikes!

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