As a freelance writer, sometimes I am wildly busy, and sometimes I am not. This worked really well for being a mom, because when I wasn’t busy I would volunteer at the kid’s school more, or do some kid-related thing with my extra time. But now that the kids are gone, and I HAVE PLEDGED THAT I WILL NOT BECOME ONE OF THOSE MOM’S WHO CONTINUES TO WORK IN THE KID’S SCHOOL, DESPITE HAVING NO KIDS IN THE SCHOOL, I have to decide how to structure that extra time. Here are some of the things I’m thinking of:

1. Pole/exotic dancer. Once upon a time, I actually had the body for this, believe it or not. I had the moves, too. Sadly, this bus has left the station. But the hours seemed so good……
2. Grocer bagger. Secretly I love it when the baggers at Whole Foods are busy and I get to bag. It’s sort a sort of fun geometry project, trying to fit different sized items together. This is as mathematical as I get, by the way.
3. Toll taker. I have a lovely “hello,” and I’m good with my hands. But what’s this, I just heard they are abolishing the tolls and using some electronic system? Toll taker job: taken.
4. Waitress. I have a resume for this one. I loved this job because I would sit down with customers, and talk. It takes advantage of my excellent people skills. The only thing is, I was terrible at it. This was confirmed by a general manager at an unnamed restaurant in Faneuil Hall. He said, and I quote: “You are the nicest person in the world, but the WORST waitress I have ever worked with.” Yes, that happened.
5. An Über driver. I cannot read a map. I would need a GPS that said, “Take a left at the CVS and a right before the Citgo sign.” Hey, maybe this is an App I should develop?
6. Dog groomer. I love myself a dog. Any dog. They are my preferred company. I wonder if I could avoid the  “anal gland cleaning?” Like maybe bill myself that way. “No assholes allowed.”
7. .A salesperson at a boutique. Let’s face it, this could break us financially.
8. A chef. My daughter would laugh at this one. She’s psyched about the college food compared to my cuisine.
9. House cleaner. As long as nobody has to see my house as proof of my skills.
10. An organizer. Haaahaaaahaaaahaaa. Now that’s a funny one.