fashion police – *the gratitude-a-thon

gratitude-a-thon day 895: personal style: here’s to bill cunningham

June 26, 2016June 26, 2016UncategorizedLeave a Comment

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I didn’t know that it was Bill Cunningham who was behind the lens of the camera that captured New York’s most stylish moments, and one of my favorite parts of the New York Times, until I saw the documentary Bill Cunningham New York back in 2008. I thought the creator of that column must be a hip young thing that had a sharp eye for the fickle world of fashion, a stylized version of a super cool New Yorker, decked out in the latest trends. Instead, the creator of that column was an unassuming and thrifty, totally sensible and unfashionable Boston born man who peddled around New York on his bike with his camera, and an eye for trends and personal style. He was the earliest and classiest member of the fashion police.

I’ve loved fashion since I made clothes for my Barbie dolls back in the day. Bill Cunningham loved it too. As a little girl from a small town in Connecticut, I lived for the trends he picked up, the photo montages of black and white clothing, or the hot handbag, or the latest shoe trend–New York women with sweeping-the-ground capes, and oversized furs, and strappy summer dresses. Who hasn’t gazed at that column and felt like they were getting a little insider info, like Bill was letting us in on a fashion secret?

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In 2009, New York named him a living landmark. I know he has had landmark impact on me. I will miss his sharp eye, his stylish editorial on one of the world’s most fashionable cities, that ever-present column that was as reliable as the air. Some people bring color to the world, some fashion. Bill Cunningham, clad in his utilitarian blue French work coat and khaki pants brought the details of personal style from behind his lens. I will miss his perspective.

He had a remarkable style all his own.

gratitude-a-thon day 331: the grammy’s red carpet

January 27, 2014January 27, 2014Uncategorized2 Comments

Music people have a set of fashion rules which don’t apply to other red carpet events. Because, you know, there is fashion and there is looking good. And music folk like to do fashion. But no matter what, I always go for looking good.

And here we go.

People who clearly did not have mirrors, or who thought they looked hip, but didn’t deliver, or just plain looked absurdly dumb.

1. Paris Hilton. What’s she doing here anyway? But if you’re doing the Grammy’s, how about you wear something that looks like you’re going to a super cool music event, not a sleazy debutante ball. This dress is like a combination hooker goes to the prom with stripper gets married for the fourth time. The hair alone, is like a bad 1950’s housewife ‘do, but add that high collar and she looks like a pampered poodle being walked on 5th avenue. She’d a been lucky if that neckline had choked some sense into her before she left the house.

2. Chrisette Michelle. Oh dear. Oh no. The ways in which this outfit is not working are so numerous, I don’t have a big enough keyboard. This is Boca Raton, assisted living facility-wear. It’s one of Steven Tyler’s leisure suits (which he usually pulls off, I might add). The only thing I like is the bra. And if she’d been smart, she’d have taken off the whole thing and worn that with her panties and probably have been on my best dressed list.

3. Natasha Bedinfield. Blech. Shapeless and lifeless, ain’t nothing celebratory about this shmata. Sale rack at the Dollar Store.

4. Daft Punk. I guess I just like to see a man’s face at a red carpet event, you know? I mean, is that too much to ask?

5. Madonna. You don’t get to wear your son as an accessory, Madge. And to think, once upon a time you ruled this show.

6. Pharrell Williams. I love this dude’s music, but Pharell, what’s with the Dudley Do-Right hat, man? And if you’re going that route, maybe give us the rest of the Canadian Mounted Police uni, instead of the top portion of Tony Soprano’s track suit (may he rest in peace).

And now for the music to my ears.

1. Jane Roper and Alistair Moock. The local peeps get my top spot! From right here in Boston, Alistair Moock, and his smarty pants and adorable writer wife hit the carpet looking awesome. Love that dress, Jane, not to mention the Linda-Hamiton-in-The-Terminator arms. And The blue tie and pocket square are spot on. And what I love even more is the album nominated that Alistair wrote for, and with one of his twin daughters, Clio after she was diagnosed with leukemia in 2012, Singing Our Way Through: Songs for the World’s Bravest Kids. Check it out at: http://www.moockmusic.com. These two know how to dress, but they’ve also got style. In the very best way.

2. Guiliana Ranic. I hate to give my number two spot to an entertainment reporter, instead of the entertainment, but this dress was too good to pass up. The fit, the cut, the color, her hair, her make-up, she looked smoking. the whole damn thing worked and worked. I really, really, really liked this dress.

3. Miguel. I just thought this guy looked super cool, in the most comfortable way. I loved the proportion of the jacket, and the boots are great. I just dig this whole look. Way to do the Grammy’s.

4. Anna Faris. This dress is plain and simple, but fits beautifully. It’s not too skimpy at the top, which so many strapless dresses are, and I like the little train. Thanks to the “mani-cam” I got a little crush on that bracelet/ring deal, too.

5. Taylor Swift. Hard to get it wrong when you’re this young, tall and gorgeous. I love the simplicity of this dress and hair. Sophisticated youth. It’s good. Really good.

6. Katy Musgraves. Ok, the boots are just dumb, but I have to say that when she wore this dress on stage, I gasped. It’s so cute. And she had on other shoes when she won, so the boots weren’t an issue, but I can’t find a photo of that. This dress is wildly colorful and a big fat party. For me, it was one of the best looks of the night.

7. Chrissie Tiegen. Wow. Wowza. Wow-er-ama. This is stunning, like over the rainbow, more or less perfect in every possible area. Not too much boobage, no competing accessories, and loving the simple hair. In my imaginary life as a singer, I’d wear this.

gratitude-a-thon day 322: The police are back and there are arrests

January 19, 2014Uncategorized2 Comments

The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards were on last night and you know what that means. RED CARPET FASHION ALERT. I have policed the area and come up with the following violations and sitations.

And here we go with my “Money does not equal taste” list.

1. Mariah Carey. Wait, really? Mariah, 1980 called and they want their dress back. And how did you find the shoes I wore on interviews to get my first job after college? And if you’re going to wear a dress this ugly, at least make sure it fits. And I’m not going to mention that you look like you packed on a few pounds, because I’m not that kind of girl, but let’s just say you did, then I think you could have found something more flattering to wear. This is not a vision of love, it’s a vision of outdated ugly.

2. Mayim Bialik. I know that orchid is the “it” color this year, but this dress is all sorts of wrong, as in not pretty and not flattering, and did I mention wrong. My advice: fire the stylist, and all of your friends who let you leave the house like this.

3. Kerry Washington. While everyone deserves a misstep, I’m shocked at this one from the reigning queen of perfect. I know she’s pregnant, (what do I live in a cave), and that makes it challenging to dress, but as Olivia Wilde showed us at The Globes, you can look off the charts showing off the bump. Not preggers, this would be adorable, with baby on board, it just looked shapeless.

4. Julia Roberts. This woman has no taste. Just plain NO TASTE. For starters, the Pepto Bismol color is enough to make me puke. The cut does nothing good for her body. And the secret, that it’s pants, is wasted because you don’t know unless she spreads her legs, and in that thing, who would want her to?

5. Sufe Bradshaw. I love me a crown, but she just looks like the queen of the bad fit. The girls look saggy, the stomach looks poofy, the length is just plain too long. The Veep would be disappointed.

The Best

There were so many dresses I liked at this show, but I’ll keep it short and sweet, becasue it’s Sunday.

1. Lupita Nyong’o. All hail this girl’s sense of style. I wondered how she would top her gorgeous red caped dress from the Globes, but damn if she didn’t do it. When I saw her, I gasped, momentarily lost consciousness and then sat with my mouth hanging open laser staring at this vision of complete and total perfection (admittedly, I should probably get more of a life). The color, the fit, the necklace-y part. And of course, the perfect good sense to not wear any accessories. This isn’t just the best dress of the SAG awards, it’s one of the best dresses EVER.

2. Jenifer Lawrence. As baggy and bed sheet-y as her Globes dress was, this dress was the exact opposite, giving a big old hug to every curve. Even her hair and make-up look better. She looks young and hot and pretty. She did say it gave her “vagina underarms,” but it was worth it, Jen, you scored big in this little number.

3. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She never does it wrong, always looks fit and age appropriate, pefectly edited and completely gorg. She’s 53 people, and she rocks the carpet consistently. She plays the Veep, but I say she should run for president of style.

4. Rocsi Diaz. I’ve never heard of this woman, but I know she knows how to dress. This is super simple, beautifully fitting and for me, a gosh darn pefect 10.

5. Camila Alves. Talk about golden. She is killing it on the carpet this year. I want to sleep on this fabric. What a beautiful drape on her body . And what a body it is.

Honorable mention goes to Julie Bowen, who, for the first time ever on the red carpet, looks stunning. I don’t like the dress, but she looks good in it. And it is about a ten hundred million times better than anything she’s ever worn before. Did she read my Globes blog post on her? Glad I could help.

gratitude-a-thon day 316: acting as sheriff of the unappointed fashion police

January 13, 2014January 13, 2014Uncategorized3 Comments

Some people love a parade, but me, I LOVE an award show. Give me the lights, the paparazzi, the crowds and the carpet of crimson, my couch, my dinner, my computer, my phone and I’m like a pig doing the moonwalk in mud.

My sister and I could give Joan Rivers a run for her fashion police money, as we have badges and we’re not afraid to use them. Beware the snark-a-thon about to happen.

My Worst Dressed List

1. Julie Roberts. I guess when you have a smile that covers a city block, you’re not thinking so much about what you’re wearing, but hey Julia, did anybody tell you that you wore a strapless dress over a white blouse to a red carpet event? With a belt that looked like it was part of the dumb white shirt? This thing was the biggest miss of the night for me. Pretty woman? Um, not so much.

2. Paul Patton. I’m pretty sure they were shooting a movie featuring Paula Patton’s dud of a gown. “The woman who killed people at the Golden Globes with her dress.” This is stupid, ugly and totally unwearable. When she was presenting, I thought she was going to knock out everybody else on the stage and run off with the award. She didn’t, but she could have.

3. Drew Barrymore. I love Drew and her sunny disposition and I actually like the fabric of this dress. But when you’re pregnant, you gotta define that upper part of you, or you look like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float. And I’m afraid this was the case for our girl Drew. Sorry, babe, it wasn’t good. Phone home, and see if they can bring you another dress.

4. Edie Falco. Could I love her more? No. Could I love her dress less? No. You’re not a present we need to unwrap, although admittedly, someone should have, and put you in another dress.

5. Jennifer Lawrence. I have publicly admitted my girl crush on Jlaw, so it pains me to say that this dress did nothing for my girl, but IT DID NOTHING. Well, nothing good, anyway. It did squish her boobs, and force her to tug it up every time the camera was around. Jennifer is so real, so candid, so FUNNY, she should have worn something more fun. This wasn’t just unfun, it was unpretty.

6. Julie Bowen. I have never once seen Julie get it right on the red carpet. Whether it’s her hair or her dress, or usually both, she always looks just plain bad. This year she had on a prom dress for the nerd of the class. And unflattering hair. This woman has a banging body that’s toned and could rock anything. But this dress? Who is her stylist, I ask? You should have your license revoked.

7. I love Lena. Love, love, love her. But this dress, I hate, hate, hate. Ok, maybe I don’t hate the dress, but I just hate it on her. This yellow submarine doesn’t fit well and the hem looks like it was taken up at the last minute. And her hair is not doing anything good either. She looked like she was just having fun with it and not taking herself or the whole show seriously, so I give her major points for that. But she deserves to look like the brilliant, funny girl she is. This was a big yellow miss for me.

8. Mila Kunis. “I’m going to wear a necklace of tin foil to the Golden Globes and see if anyone notices,” said Mila. I did. I noticed. Do I get a prize? I also noticed that you looked dreadful.

9. Zoe Saldana. Where do I begin? Where do I end? This is like four different dresses that might have been pretty if worn separately, but together they make for a style cyclone. She is gorgeous, her body is gorgeous. Why? Awful. Bad. Awful bad.

10. Zooey Daschanel. I love the skirt. I love the top. I love the shoes. But all together, this thing was a frumpy fiasco. And that rose in her hair? I kept covering it up in pictures to see if I liked the look any better, but I didn’t. I think you need a fitted top with this skirt, or a more fitted bottom with the top. Together, she looked like a sparkly grocery bag.

And now for the best of the best.

1. Emma Roberts. I think a black dress is celestial. And this one is cut perfectly. PERFECTLY. I don’t love her hair and makeup, but this dress left me swooning.

2. Camila Alves. Girl, you got a good looking accessory on your arm, but you don’t need it with that dress. Perfect fit, perfect style. You’re golden, alright.

3. Cate Blanchett. Let me just say that I HATE THE HAIR AND THE EARRINGS, but this dress is sheer perfection. And it fits her like she came down the birth canal wearing it. Cate is so flawless in her style, and she always dresses like a lady and not a girl. She is elegant 24/7. This dress is just beautiful.

4. Olivia Wilde. Way to rock the bump. Simple. Beautiful fit. Perfect. It’s not easy to dress for a baby, but baby, you did it right.

5. Amy Poehler. It’s not enough that she is hysterical, sassy and smart. She looked totally beautiful, modern and comfortable in this Stella McCartney. I am all over this look. I LOVE HER. AND I LOVE HER DRESS.

6. Lupita Nyong’o. This look is out of the ball park, and into the next country. I was mesmerized by this dress and the gorgeous simple way she wore it. This girl just burst onto the scene and she is not only gorgeous, she has impeccable style. The only problem is how do you do better for the Academy Awards.

7. Emma Watson. Way to be young and fresh and fashion forward all at the same time. We’ve watched her grow up and she’s grown into a beautiful woman, with spot on style. Hermione would be proud.