fashion trashin’ day 1084: the emmys, (plus ann dowd won!)

 

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Beautiful inside and out, my friend Ann. She won! She won!

 

I just have to tell you before I begin that last night’s Emmy’s was a thrill over here at casa de trashin’ de fashion’. My besties sister is Ann Dowd, and I have hung out with her many times. She is nothing short of the nicest person you have ever met in the entire world, including your mother. Seriously, this is a stellar human being, which tells you what an A-list actress she really is, because she is nothing like the parts she has become known for. Anywho, Deb and her family came over to watch and Ann, who’d been nominated for two Emmys, one for a guest appearance on the Leftovers, and one for The Handmaid’s Tale, had already found out in an earlier off-air Emmys that she had not won for The Leftovers, which is hard to swallow, because Patti Levin–seriously. Anyway, we were thrilled just to see her on tv, although we had zero expectations of her winning because the press had not even given her any odds at all, but then, well you know what happened, and my house erupted into an outburst of screaming that must have made my neighbors think Peter was murdering me dead. My dog practically dialed 911. We watched it over and over again. We just could not believe what was happening. And neither could Ann, apparently, who gave the loveliest speech. Ann has been a working actress for decades and she has a body of work, which would impress a curmudgeon, plus she has three kids, including a son who is just 12. And I’m telling you, there is not a nicer, more modest, or warm person anywhere. Ok, that’s enough, but seriously, it was an epic night. And fucking yay for Ann.

And now for the worst, how could you, get a mirror, or a new stylist list of those who might have some regrets this morning.

Ariel Winter. Modern Mess.

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Hailey, how could you have let your tv sister out in this disaster? One too many slits is just not working in her favor. A little desperate, a little trashy, a lot wrong.

Claire Foy. You’re not really the Queen.

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I love this young, fresh face, but what’s with the stupid royal train coming off her shoulder? Thinking how cute this would be without that piece of fabric to have to worry about. No crown for this look.

Carrie Coons. Wish this dress had disappeared with her Leftover’s family.

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Oh no. As a girl who loves tulle and Carrie Coons, it pains me to tell you how much I hate this dress, not to mention this hair. She looks like she has a billowy uniboob. It’s like a Valentine’s day disaster. Nothing I like here. I’m going to avert my eyes now.

Samantha Bee gets an F.

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This is a hard color, but in addition am I wrong or do all arrows point to her vajayjay? We got it, you’re a woman, but I am not green with envy.

Debra Messing-ed up.

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How did this happen? Usually on fleek, this fashion girl normally gets it perfectly right, but this year she looks she got caught up in some shiny wrapping paper and couldn’t get out of it.

Unidentified Ugliness.

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This is not a color anybody should be wearing anywhere anyhow. But if you’re going to wear it, do not wear pink shoes. I don’t know who this is, and I don’t want to know.

How can it be wrong if it’s Michelle Pfeiffer.

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Michelle is so gorgeous it hurts my eyes, but the cut of this dress was so off. I felt like her boobs should be above the seam, or below the seam, but instead, they just seemed to be nowhere.

Big Little Mistake.

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I love the cut of this dress, but in a fabric that didn’t appear to move at all, she seemed overwhelmed by it. I, however, was not.

Heidi Klum. Project Ugly.

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She looks a little hunched over here. Could it be her earrings, which are the size of the world? And let’s discuss, do her boobs look good here? I know four kids, but can’t we help those girls stand up for themselves?

And the less fun, but damn it, the best.

Jessica Biel-utiful.

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Easy, breezy, wowza. This dress is the definition of effortless. Soft and flowy, this number slayed. And the hair was perfection, too.

No stranger to fashion.

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She’s 13, but she knows how to dress. I am a sucker for tulle, so this spoke to me, but she just looks adorable.

Kiernan Shipka grows up and sparkles.

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This girl has grown up before our eyes on Mad Men, and so has her fashion sense. What a gorgeous dress–young and easy, and as fresh as her 17-year old face.

Kathryn Haan. I have never met a polka dot I didn’t love.

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The dots make it fun, but the fabric makes it formal.  And it’s transparent how comfortable she is.

 

Hillaria Baldwin. Everything’s coming up roses (or you know, some kind of flower).

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I’m not even a flower print kind of girl, but there was something about the ease of this dress that made me swoon. Nice movement and lovely flow. And hair is on point.

 

Jane Fonda. I’ll have what she’s having.

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Glam slam! Seriously, she is 79. Yes, she’s had work, but it’s good work–she looks like herself. I loved this whole thing. I know the pony is a bit adolescent, but she got me.

Viola Davis gets it right AGAIN.

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Damn it, she never misses. She has been killing the carpet for years now. She always has a body con dress that hugs her like a BMW hugs a turn, and makes her look like modern Hollywood queen. A+.

gratitude-a-thon day 703: red carpet fashion alert: the emmy’s

You knew I’d be here for the red carpet wrap up. And let me say, some of those dresses should have stayed wrapped up and never seen on a person. Jeesh. Let’s go, giddy up.

The worst, because, well, it’s just more fun.

Big Bird, I mean Heidi Klum

If this were a submission on Project Runway, Zac Posen and Nina Garcia would be in full on cardiac arrest. Tim Gunn would be sweating like a menopausal woman, and the ultimate conclusion would be a, “I’m sorry Heidi, but you’re out. Alvederzane.” I can’t even. Really, don’t ask me to, because I can’t.

Joanna Newsome, or NOsome

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So, look at the top part without the underskirt. If you look at it just right, it looks like a chair. Is that a floral bib? Did she forget to take that off after she ate lobster? Does she have another nicer dress underneath? Is there a train? She should get on that train and ride it on outta there.

Danielle Brook, bad Taystee.

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I love this actress, but not this dress. It’s not the shape, it’s the colors. It’s like a three ring circus. Verdict: jail time. No parole.

Christina Hendricks (NEVER GETS IT RIGHT.)

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This is a gorgeous woman. Can nobody in the world give her a dress that makes her look young and beautiful? Everytime she hits the carpet, it seems to me her boobs dictate the whole show. Is there no way to dress those bad girls that allow her to look young and fresh? Matronly, mumsy, I’m going to go ahead and say it, OLD. I’m mad, man.

Sophia Vergara, Va Va Doom

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Sophia always gets it right, and let’s face it, when you look like she does, it’s hard to get it wrong, but this dress did not fit in the boob area. It was too big, and it sort of folded. Fit is everything, girl. And this did not.

Jamie Alexander, Do not adjust your tv, this is just ugly

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I really hated this dress. It’s like when the tv goes all haywire. Not good colors together. Not pretty. Not fun. Not sexy. Not on my watch.

Taryn Manning, Morticia called and she wants her dress back stat.

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I do not want to be reminded of the year Angelina brought her brother and kissed him on the lips and all hell broke loose, and that’s what this dress makes me think of (that and the matriarch of the Adams fam). Did I mention, I hate this?

Lauren PreponDERANCE OF UGLINESS

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This is such a beautiful dress. Great color, perfect fit, especially in the tata area, it was all just so good, but then on her way out of the house, because it was 106 degrees, she thought, “I might get cold, I should grab a bullfighter’s shrug,” and boom, prisoner of awful.

Clare Danes and the no good, very bad hair day

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I like this dress. It’s cool, modern, and edgy. But really, that hair is like the worst thing I’ve maybe ever seen at an awards show. I actually thought they might freeze the whole red carpet thing, like they do on that Discover commercial, when the woman loses her card, and have a hair team come out and re-do it. I can’t even BELIEVE it. Still. Still. Ask me tomorrow, and I will still not believe it.

Judith (did not) Light (it up)

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Judith Light is 66. Her body is red hot, but this work blouse seems to be from back in the day, when she worked in advertising on “Who’s the Boss.” I’m into the skirt, and I like her make-up, but the blouse is a big, fat, unfashionable disconnect.

Zoe Ka(n’t) zan

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My eyes hurt. I am dizzy. I am getting drowsy, I am getting drowsy, oooops, and I fell asleep. It’s a candy striper who can hypnotize you.

And on to the best.

Sarah Hyland High

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She hit the carpet early, and I kept waiting for someone to beat out this look, but nobody did. This dress was sublime. The simplicity and lines were heaven. The straps were something I’ve never seen. Super cool. Great hair, perfect makeup. She might play dumb on Modern Family, but she’s got in going on in real life.

Julianne Hough scored

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First of all, I think Julianne Hough, judge on Dancing with the Stars, and incredible dancer herself, can do no wrong, because she is just beyond in the beauty category. But I think this dress is really fabulous. Love the hair, too. She gets a 10 in my book.

Padma Lak(ed nothing)shmi

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On tv this dress looked like it was a size too small, but still, it won me over. That color is undeniable, and the shape of the dress is just gorgeous, not to mention the fabric. Love this. Red lip perfection, too.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus should be president

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This woman always, always, always does it just right. Simple lines, perfect fit (doesn’t hurt that her body is fucking amazing), Want to marry the gorgeous earrings and bracelet. You can’t trump this.

Taraji Henson KILLED

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The hair, swingy and shiny, the shoes, the makeup, the dress. All of it was so damn right on. She would look good in a pile of dirt, but I really thought she hit it out of Hollywood.

Ann Chlumsky, Flower girl

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What you have to know about me, is that I LOVE A FLOWER. I think this dress is adorable. I love her hair. I’m in. She should be vice prez to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ prez of fashion.

Maggie Gyllenhaal is at the ball

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The red lip was wrong, but I LOVED THIS DRESS. The cut, that woweeee purple. The back was heaven, too. no “honourable” mention here, she’s the main attraction.

Kiernan Shipka(‘s boat came in)

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On anybody else, in a store, or the pages of Vogue, this would not work for me, but on this girl, with that hair, at that age, it’s just adorable. She is so good at being fashionable and age appropriate. Fashion icon in the making.

Regina KIng (of couture)

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Not a great in a picture, but in real life (I mean on tv) it was just lovely. Low back, simple, great earrings. BEE-U-TI-FUL.

Jamie Lee Curtis

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Is it special? Have I seen it before? Yes, and yes. But I love it. And I love Jamie Lee for being so good with her age, and just rocking the whole older woman thing. Lust worthy bracelet, too.

gratitude-a thon day 554: red carpet ready

 

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Get out your scorecards, and your best pajamas, IT’S THE ACADEMY AWARDS! Night of a thousand stars, a dozen bad dresses, a host who will be judged by his ability to keep us awake until the end. I love this show, with its crimson catwalk. I love it, I tell you. I don’t even care that it’s snowing (again) today. It’s the freaking Academy Awards!

I am a movie addict. I am a film fanatic. Like Peter Sellers as Chance the gardener in Being There said, “I like to watch.” Truth. Whether it’s in my den, with blankets and pillows, and dimmed lights, or in my bed with the comfort of my Sealy Posturpedic foam topped mattress, Riley by my side, With my husband, or my sister (two other major movie people), or whoever will indulge me, I’m always ready to go to the movies. Of course, the best place to be a viewer is at the actual movie theater. Big screen, salty popcorn, PREVIEWS. And my favorite of those theaters is the Super Lux in Chestnut Hill, where you can eat a real (and pretty decent) meal, served to you by a waitress, have yourself a cocktail, and munch on unlimited popcorn, WHILE YOU RECLINE YOUR SUPER PADDED SEAT. This is my idea of a retirement home.

Anywho, let’s make some picks, shall we?

Best Picture

American Sniper
Birdman
Boyhood
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything
Whiplash

 

Birdman_poster-3I’ve seen them all this year, which isn’t usually the case, so I’m feeling adequately informed enough to say that I think Birman should win, but Boyhood might win. Birdman captured me. There was an immediacy to the camera work, that engaged me from the second it started. I thought this movie was film at its very best. Edward Norton was dynamic and gave a powerful performance. Emma Stone was a standout. And Michael Keaton was the perfect guy for this role (I mean, it so beautifully mimics his real life). This wasn’t just a story of a movie star looking for legitimacy, it was everyone’s story of looking for legitimacy.

 

the-theory-of-everything-eddie-redmayne-2-300x336Best Actor

Michael Keaton, Birdman
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Bradley Cooper, American Sniper

I think this is the biggest and most competitive category of the night. Every one of these performances was stellar, and in my opinion in every case, better than the movie itself. But I think one performance stands above the rest, and that’s Eddie Redmayne’s turn as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything. His ability to give us a full picture of a man losing control of his body and voice, but keeping his brain, and sense of humor, was not just the theory of everything, it was everything.

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Best Actress

Marion Cotillard, Two Days One Night
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon, Wild

I haven’t seen Two Days One Night, or Still Alice, but I’m going to go with Juianne Moore, because I have heard buzz that she is spectacular. I just have a feeing she’ll be the one on the stage. But from the movies I did see, I would give it to Felicity Jones. I think she was brilliant.

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Best Supporting Actor

Robert Duvall, The Judge
Ethan Hawke, Boyhood
Edward Norton, Birdman
Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher
JK Simmons, Whiplash

Damn, this is a tie for me between Edward Norton and JK Simmons, with Simmons edging Norton out because I feel like he had more screen time. Kind of amazing Simmons is in the BSA category, since his role was pretty large. Both these performances were one for the books.

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Best Supporting Actress

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Laura Dern, Wild
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game

I liked Boyhood fine. I didn’t love it, but I do recognize that making a movie over 12 years is not only a really cool and innovative idea, but also probably pretty hard. I think Patricia Arquette will walk away with the little gold man, but I would probably give it to Emma Stone.

 

alejandro_gonzalez_inarritu_a_pBest Director

Richard Linklater, Boyhood
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Morten Tyldum, The Imitation Game
Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher

No question marks for me here, I would flat out give it to Alejandro González Iñárritu for Birman. This felt the most innovative and interesting directing to me. I wouldn’t be surprised if Richard Linklater took the prize though, working on a film for 12 years is a pretty Oscar-worthy accomplishment.

Lastly, my friend Melanie posted this on my FB wall yesterday. Pretty cool, right? As you can imagine, I will be watching the red carpet carefully for my who-really-cares-what-I-think fashion review tomorrow. And now, on with the show (only 9 more hours until the carpet, I’ve got to do my hair).

 

 

gratitude-a-thon day 353: oscar fashion, the best and the worst of it

Yawn, yawn, yawn. Am I tired or just reminded of how boring the red carpet was last night. Not a whole lot of drool worthy dresses. In fact, E had unusually bizarre coverage last night and seemed not to have a lot of live interviews. Mani-cam, shmanni-cam, you need to give me the goods. But, resourceful girl that I am, I managed to find my way. And I watched until the end. And one more thing, I LOVE ELLEN DEGENERES EVEN MORE THAN I DID BEFORE THE SHOW, WHICH IS SAYING A LOT. She scored big, even though I hated her opening tux, although she made up for it with her Glinda dress. And now, on with the show.

The hate list

1. Liza Minelli

Somewhere over the rainbow of awful, was Liza. Kewpie doll lips, a streak of blue hair, and black orthopedic sneakers to top it all off. If you thought the “M” in “Liza with an M” was for “Minelli,” you were wrong, it was for miserable, which is what this get up made me feel like. Ellen hit the nail on the head with her witty dis, “There’s the best Liza Minelli impersonator in the audience that I’ve ever seen.” Good advertising for not getting plastic surgery, ladies.

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2. Whoopi Goldberg

This is more like “Whoops, I’m wearing a cheaper, uglier, polyester-er version of Julia Roberts Globes disaster.” I know Whoopi doesn’t like to get dressed up, but jeez, a black garbage bag woulda been better than this thing. Her red striped stockings and ruby slippers paid tribute to the wicked witch of the West, who looked better dead under the house than Whoopi did last night.

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3. Julia Roberts

Are you trying to tell us that you’ve put yourself in the category of Meryl Streep and that you are such a serious actress, that you just don’t care what you wear? I know Meryl, and believe you are no Meryl, Julia. So, what do you say we get ourselves a stylist and make an effort for  next award season? Or stay home and save our eyes from what we cannot unsee.

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4. Anna Kendrick

There’s too much going on, and ALL OF IT’S UGLY.

-f9d99dd615a991b15. Anne Hathaway

If a war broke out at the Academy Awards last night, we’d have been safe, because Anne Hathaway had on armour and she could have fought the battle and won. Either that, or the troops would have recoiled from the sheer ugliness of that dress and unflattering hair.

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And the best

1. Lupita Nyong’o

Lupita, Lupita, Lupita. She is like a piece of perfect. From her impeccable, modern, but classic style, which has been utterly flawless in every single photo I’ve seen of her, at every single event she’s been to, to her unblievably poised and lovely acceptance speech, this girl is just plain gorgeosity from head to heart.

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2.Emma Watson

At 23, this girl is already shaping up to be quite the fashion forward fashionista. She’s looked really great at all the award shows this year. What I like is that she’s thoroughly modern in an understated and comfortable way. It doesn’t hurt that she’s just beautiful, but I really dig her style vibe. Harry Potter would have liked it, too because she  is definitely magic.

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3. Charlize Theron

I wish the straps weren’t beige, but this dress is pretty fantastic. I love the bottom with the skinny underneath and see through top layer. That diamond she’s sporting is going to make her shoulders hurt in the morning, but hey, that’s what we do for fashion.

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4. Kerry Washington

This might be what Olivia Pope would wear if she were going to pop, and we all know how flawless Olivia’s clothes are. Kerry has really given the bump a bump of fashion this season, and last night was no exception. She looks perfect and effortless. And by the way, I think it’s a girl.

kerry-washington-290 5. Camilla Alves

Probably not that easy to be the “other half” all the time, but Camilla has done the entire award season on the arm of the man of the moment, and still managed to shine more brightly. Although this seems to steal a page from Lupita’s stunning Globes Ralph Lauren dress, I think it’s pretty special. It’s simple, but regal and modern at the same time. And the color is perfect with her skin tone.

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And so award season ends with kind of a fizzle. This show did not knock my sox off in terms of fashion moments. Sandra looked fine, but not exceptional. Meryl delivered the expected dowdy. Amy Adams looked ok, but not great. And now, I’m going back to bed.