gratitude-a-thon day 370: perfect, perfect Gwinnie

If you ask me, I think Chris is dodging a bullet. I mean working as a movie star and being a lifestyle guru is just so stressful for Gwyneth, who knows what that woman might be capable of in the years to come.

Dear Gwyneth,

I am so sorry that your marriage hasn’t worked out and that you will be “consciously uncoupling.” Since you’ve now made it clear that working on a movie is so much more difficult than working in an office, I imagine divorcing will be so much more difficult for you, too. I mean, there are the houses to unload, the division of money. Who will get to keep the masseuse, the chef? I hope you’re drinking a lot of Kombochu, because you are going to need your strength.

I imagine Tracy Anderson will give you a lot of solace, and ab exercises so that when you get back out there after your grueling movie schedule, you’ll be able to attract your next victim, I mean man. I hope he will understand how much stress you are under with your job. It’s just so hard. But you know, as your book says, “It’s All Good.”

Also, I hope you will keep teaching us how to live the most perfect life with your goop newsletter. I’ve so come to enjoy reading about your perfect diet and your perfect style. The way you live is just, well, perfect.

And here’s to you as an actor, giving us so much of yourself, which may have even contributed to your “uncoupling,” conscious, or not. Stress on the job will do that, what with that two week travel to Wisconsin and all. I mean, do they even have stores there? You just sacrifice so much to give us movies, you remind me a little of those two firefighters who just lost their lives in Boston.

Anyway, good luck Gwyneth, I hope you always wyneth.




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