And it’s the Golden Globes red carpet roundup. Who was blindfolded when they left the house and who hit it outta L.A? Who schooled us in fashion, and who flunked out?
Let’s start with the Worst Dressed. It’s so much more fun.
1. The clear winner here is obvious. Keira Knightly made worst dressed history, right alongside Bjork’s swan dress. What’s that noise? It’s Joan Rivers talking about how ugly this dress is.
1. The conversation between stylists for Keira Knightly:
Stylist 1: “You know what would be really funny, if we intentionally tried to make her look bad.”
Stylist 2: “She’s too gorgeous, you can’t make her look bad.”
Stylist 1: “Wanna make a bet?”
Stylist 2: “You’re on.”
Stylist 1 wins. This combination of Christmas Tree skirt, combined with your nature-loving grandmother’s curtains is so preposterously bad that it’s truly hard to believe the 30 people at Chanel who made this weren’t part of a terrorist plot. This thing is so ugly, the butterflies on it wanted to fly away.
2. I love you Tina Fey, but you were clearly still writing jokes when you left the house and forgot to see what your people put on you.
Gosh darn it, Tina is brilliant and brainy and downright beautiful, but this dress is like a high school prom reject. It’s dowdy. It’s cheap looking. It gave her arm vaginas. You’re a big star, Tina, but this is just a big disaster.
3. Zosia Mamet. Oy, Shosh.
Was anybody styling this girl? If so, were they actually awake when they picked out this ill fitting, Pepto Bismal-bottomed hot mess? Oh, you used Lena Dunham as your stylist. Now I get it.
4. Julianna Margulies. No. No. And no.
Wow, you’re giving George Clooney a lifetimes achievement award and you’re wearing this? Why not your bathrobe? First of all a red dress with black shoes is so wrong. Secondly, this matronly, totally lackluster dress looks like it was purchased off the rack in the post holiday Talbots sale section. You’re beautiful, Julianna, but even you couldn’t make this unforgettable look memorable.
5. Clare Danes. Shame on you.
Valentino Shmaletino, yes, I know it’s real feathers, but this thing is for the birds. It doesn’t fit, first of all. What, she couldn’t afford a tailor, as a nominee for the Golden Globes? The sheer piece kept wrinkling up, which is not the effect a sheer piece is going for. And could the colors be much more dreary? It’s like the weather in Boston, dark and ugly. I did, however, adore the earrings she wore, which were a fabulous shade of blue and matched her eyes in a striking way, but as for this dress,well,there’s always next year.
6. Alison Williams. A dress as bad as that live production of Peter Pan.
I think red is hard to wear to start with, so already I was put off. The dress fits beautifully, and in another color, I might have loved this confection. But let’s look at her face. This is a very beautiful girl. She looks like a man. An ugly man. Let’s just say Jeffrey Tambor looked better as a transitioning woman in Transparent than Alison Williams looked last night. ‘Nuff said.
And on to the less snarky, less fun, but much more visually arresting Best.
1. Amal Ammudin. White glove treatment.
I mean, as if showing up with George Clooney on your arm isn’t enough to elevate your look, Amal did a whole modern day Audrey Hepburn thing, and it was flawless. I do not think this woman is beautiful. I think she has a gorgeous body, a brilliant mind, and a shy and charming manner. She is, what I would call, adorably handsome. She is my number one, I think it was the gloves that pushed me over the edge (or maybe it was George).
2. Leslie Mann. An all-around hit.
No, I don’t love yellow. But this look was perfect from head to toe. Her hair is great. The fit is great. The overall look is a sunny day in L.A.
3. Gosh, I don’t like Katherine Heigl, but this dress, that’s a different story.
Ever since she left Grey’s Anatomy with that holier-than-thou big attitude about her talent, she’s been on my naughty list, but as much as I dislike Katherine Heigl, her dress last night was on my nice list. The fit was right on and the whole look came together for a big freaking A+.
4. Kate Beckinsale can pretty much do no wrong.
First of all, there’s the body. Second of all, there’s the face. But putting them aside, there’s the dress, which I just love for its sophistication and sparkle. I love a blingy situation, and this has just enough to make me swoon.
5. Michele Monaghan. It’s simple, and that’s why I like it.
This isn’t a complicated look, but that’s what’s nice about it for me. I love a simple line, and that’s what this is. I think her healthy, shiny hair, and her lack of jewels makes her look like she wasn’t trying too hard, but just enough.
6. Sienne Miller. What a doll.
Sienna’s face always gets me. She is just so damn sunny looking. But this dress, while a tad too big on the top for my liking, is really just insanely beautiful. It’s intricate without being overdone. And this hair is modern without being cray cray. LOVE.
Ok, so what did you like? Tell me, tell me, tell me.