gratitude-a-thon day 528: Sag Awards, Fashion Trashin’

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Red carpet mania. Last show before the Academy Awards, and it was a fashion doozy. There were so MANY bad dresses last night, I could be here until next year’s Sag Awards, so we’ll just go with some of the ladies who got it the most wrongsville.

Amanda Peet. I know she’s with child, but she’s also with a bad stylist.

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What’s with stomach area? is this some sort of treasure hunt clue? Triangle marks the spot? The bust line fit is a bust. Yes, it’s the Sag awards, but you’re not supposed to take it literally. I know, I know, she’s expecting, but I was expecting so much more.

 

Lorelie Llinklater. And I’m not even going to get into the hair.

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Here’s what I’m thinking. Lorelie got really hungry during the Golden Globes, and decided to bring her own food next time. She had the snack aisle of Costco in her bell sleeves. I hope she shared.

 

Anna Chlumsky. I like her, but Jeesh, not her dress.

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Are we wearing a vest over a dress? Why are we wearing a vest over a dress?

 

Laverne Cox. When more is too much.

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Proving she only plays a hairdresser on tv, her tragic train wreck of extensions took this look from “maybe” to “hot mess” status faster than you can say “Sophia, can you do my ‘do?”

 

Emma “are you” Stoned.

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It’s a dress. It’s a jacket. It’s a dress. It’s a jacket. It’s ugly.

 

Julia Louis Dreyfus Oy vey.

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It’s a Beverly Hills mother of the bar mitzvah boy dress. “Enjoy the brisket. Did you say hello to my big man?”

 

Julia Roberts. Did not leave me panting.

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The fit, the concept, the 1980’s peep toe pumps. Um, no, no, and lastly no. And in case you didn’t hear me, that would be a big, fat no.

 

Felicity Jones. How old is she? Like, 68?

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This dress is for someone much older. And like, really conservative.  And like, who might be a mother of the bride.

 

Dascha Polanco. Snowmageddon.

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This is like the epic blizzard about to hit New England. Too much white all in one place.

 

Taryn Manning. And she has a clothing line. Maybe my dog can have one, too?

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Were there fittings? Did we miss the fittings? WHY did we miss the fittings? Why did we choose this color? Why is this even a color?

 

And da Best

There were some great looks, just not as many as I wish there’d been. Hollywood seems to be lacking in stylists these days. Was there an out of town  stylist convention last night?

1. Jenifer Aniston. You glow, girl.

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After a disappointing Golden Globes look, the golden girl is back. With a Malibu tan, her hair 50 shades of blond, and and a bangin’ bod, this vintage John Galiano dress said, “Fuck you, academy.” (I wish her boobs were a little perkier, but then I wish mine were, too).

 

Emmy Rossum. I. want. this. dress.

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A whipped Armani confection of perfect. The way the skirt moved, moved me. I mean, SWOON. I’d have taken off the necklace, though, and just given her bigger earrings. I got me a bad case for this dress.

 

Julianne Moore. The wearin’ of the green.

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A redhead in green is so right. This dress was simple, but blingy, at the same time. And her bed head and minimal jewelry, made the grade.

 

Julianna Marguilies.

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Cool shape, modern simplicity. Yeah, the split is a little bit close to the vajayjay, but I loved this dress and this hair.

 

Maria Menounos. Say yes to the dress.

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Not usually a fan of this brocade-y fabric, but I just loved the fit, and the simple lines. And her hair and make-up was beyond reproach. No, she’s not a star, but man, she was dressed like one.

 

Kiera Knightly. Purple Reign.

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Let’s face it, the girl just had to wear a Whole Foods Market Eco Friendly bag and she would have looked better than she did in that horrible, you-just-can’t-unsee-it Chanel she wore to the Globes. I am not a fan of the color purple, but she looked pretty. Nothing ground breaking, or that has me longing for one in my own closet, but with expectations lower than Amanda Peet’s boobs, I give her the “comeback” award.

 

Julie Bowen. Pixie stick.

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She either gets it terribly wrong, or terribly right. This dress could have been a miss for me, but interestingly, it’s her modern hair that makes this a “best” in my book.

 

Clare Danes. Green with envy.

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I wish she’d have taken off the “GI Joe” belt, but I never saw Clare Danes look better. This dress was super cool. And the color was really good on her. Great make-up and hair, too.

 

What did YOU think? Tell me. C’mon, let ‘er rip. Everyone’s a critic!

 

4 Replies to “gratitude-a-thon day 528: Sag Awards, Fashion Trashin’”

  1. I thought it ironic that J. Aniston took offense to being asked about her jewelry (i.e. “manny cam” issue) when she had a “come f*** me dress on”. So over her. Otherwise, right on target, Toni.

    1. ha! i loved her dress. the colors of the dress and her hair and body and make-up were all in unison. my sister has threatened to un-sister me if i don’t change my mind about this dress, so i may be down a sibling, by end of day!

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