gratitude-a-thon day 540: the grammy red carpet (from the white carpet)

You thought I was going to be whining about the snow, didn’t you? Ha! No snow re-cap, when there’s fashion to be bashin’.

The bad, and Jeesh, there was no lack of it.

1. Madonna. This is bullshit.

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madonna

 

Ok, her body is banging. The girls are up and at ’em, her legs look strong, and she’s 57, BUT SHE’S 57, and she’s dressed like she’s in the Ferdinand book I used to read my kids. It’s the Grammy’s, not the running of the bulls. (Note to self: buy ass-hoisting garment  next time you’re at Bloomingdale’s ass-hoisting garment section.)

2. Jane Fonda, “One, two, three, kick”

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I am so all for keeping it young. I don’t think you need to dress like you’re 77, when you’re 77, but you should also not dress like you’re in the Disco show at The Bellagio. Look at that body, it’s still Jane Fonda Workout-worthy, but are you kidding me with this jumpsuit? We could have used a little more plain, Jane.

3. Not Lady Gaga over this dress.

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The Lady has fallen off the relevance map, although I love that she’s now making music with Tony Bennett. Seems like she was going for class, but she just came off as crass. Kind of digging the sandals, though. The Egg Dress was better than this.

4. Kim Kardashian. “Really Kanye, do I have to go to the Grammy’s, I just want to get into my pajamas”

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Looks like Kim just said screw it, and threw on her jewel encrusted bathrobe. She got home and didn’t even have to change before bed.

5. Katy Perry, Yeah, um, no.

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I never expect much from Katy, because half the time she is not going for couture, she’s going for cartoon. The thing is, that she’s really pretty, and I think she was going for really pretty here, but somehow, it just didn’t work out. Part of it is the belt, which has no place on this dress. The other part–the shoes, which she wore with an old bridesmaid’s dress, maybe? And then, of course, there is the hair. If it’s not found in nature, people, it really shouldn’t be on your head.

Jenny Lewis, for Skittles.

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Someone got a tye dye kit for Christmas. That is all.

And the best.

1. Rhianna. I am a sucker for tulle.

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I know she looks pregnant. I know it’s a big pink ball of cotton candy. I know it is actually the color of Pepto Bismal. I know she might have been hiding some fans who didn’t have tickets and wanted to go to the show, underneath, but somehow it worked, and I fell a little bit in love with this dress.

2. Jenifer Hudson

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Ever since she  lost weight, this girl has been styled to perfection. ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PERFECTION. Simple, cool, flawless. This is how you do it at The Grammy’s.

3. Nicki Minaj, Most Improved Award.

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Hot damn, Nicki Minaj kind of blew me away last night. That’s a great dress. That’s some appropriate make-up. This was kind of crazy good.

4. Guiliana Rancic. Music to my eyes.

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Ok, I know she’s not a musician, but she was on the carpet, so she’s in. To me, this is so Grammy’s. She just looked super cool. And the Grammy’s should be about super cool.

 

5. Annie Lenox. Because she is a star.

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I know it’s simple,  but I love that it frames her face, and is so in keeping with who this woman is. It’s not a costume, it’s not outrageous. It’s fucking Annie Lenox. And you don’t get hipper, than fucking Annie Lenox. All hail.