gratitude-a-thon day 880: go back to the well

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Can you prepare yourself for big change? I don’t think so.

Isn’t it funny how when you know something hard is coming, you think “I know, I’ll prepare myself.”

Truth is, you can’t. Most of the time you just can’t prepare yourself for the tough stuff–the losses, the mammoth changes that rock the stability of your little world.

I really did think I was going all Boy Scout’s motto in regard to my  last child’s graduation this Sunday. I have thought about what this day means for a lot of years. It means the chicks have flown the coop, or anyway, soon will, and that your life before kids, is well, before you.

I really thought I’d done this homework. I honestly thought I’d emotionally prepared. There’s that word again.

But it’s so clear to me, from my crankiness, to my troubled sleep and feelings of total vulnerability, that I have not. In the least little bit. AT ALL.

Fuck.

I go back to the well.  Be in the moment. Stay present. Be grateful.

And don’t pretend to be prepared. You are not.

 

 

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