Gratitude-a-thon day 2014: Time’s Up, Me too, The Golden Globes Black, I mean Red Carpet

I thought how could I do a silly fashion review when the Globes was so important and serious last night, honoring the Time’s Up movement (sequel to the #MeToo movement) and tackling the pervasive sexual harassment of women in this country. How could I get down on a sister when we were all standing up and shouting out, as Oprah said, “a new day is on the horizon.”

But it was -3 yesterday morning, and there is a foot of snow outside my house and it’s impossible to park on the street or go outside without nineteen layers of clothes on, looking like the sister of the Abominable snowman, and I thought, we could use a little silly, damn it.

So, here we go to the worst of the evening, and I must say, they were purty bad.

Sarah Jessica Parker is not having sex in the city or anywhere else, with this on.

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Sometimes I confuse SJP with Carrie Bradshaw. But not last night. Let’s see, there are chicken wire sleeves, satin so thick it could serve as a weight work-out, a big hunk of weird hanging lace, all held together by an 82-pound brooch. Mr. Big would call this a big mess.

 

Catherine Zeta-Jones. Did you bring your skates?

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Tonya Harding was at the Globes last night for her movie, I, Tonya, and honestly all I can think of is that Catherine Z-J and she were going to have a skate off. There could be no other reason for this dress., do you think?

 

Amy Sherman Palladi-NO

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Life is a Cabaret old friend, come to the Cabaret, but Jesus, don’t wear this if you decide to go.

Debra Messing-ed up.

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Hey, I love the whole a dress with pants look, and how appropriate for an event where women were essentially taking back the pants, but the pants have to fit and these don’t.

Angelina NOlie.

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It’s practically impossible to look at anything else but Angie’s beautiful face, but how many boas were killed to make this dress? This thing overwhelms her petite frame. Not a feather in her cap.

Caitriona Balfe, Outlander-ish.

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So, you get the saloon poofs around the arms and drop waist, or you get the whatever-they’re-made-of straps and choker, but not both. It’s not a PuPu platter for crying out loud.

Kristin Cavallari. “They said it was cold and I should wear long sleeves.”

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Morticia Adams called. And yup, she wants her dress back. Too bad she didn’t call before the show…..

 

Barbara Meirer said to Blanca Blanco, “Everybody’s wearing black, aren’t you glad you’re  wearing color?”

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These two must live in a cave, underwater, on Mars not to have known the sisters were wearing black for the cause. Or maybe they did know, which is even worse.

And the best of the black pack.

 

Alsion Brie is Audrey Hepburn reincarnate.

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I don’t know why, maybe the reason I hate this actress is that she played her role on Mad Men so well, as Pete’s bossy, whiny, privileged wife. But whatever, I give her everything for this absolutely perfect look. As I said, I love the concept of a dress with pants, and the styling here is all hail Audrey H. Out of the park.

Kerry Washington. Nothing scandalous about this.

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Would you look at the shoes alone? Day-um, Kerry is beautiful and this dress is just gorgeous. It’s simple, but the sequins are boom, crash, pow. Tousled hair with that freaking face gives her a total of 27.

I don’t know who this is, but I am all into this dress.

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Sadly, this post was half-written when it did a disappearing act. A change in template has caused the “save” feature on the blog to be hiding somewhere I have to find, so while I did know this actress’s identity, I don’t now.  Anywho, I am head over heels for this look. Fit is perfect, simple hair and what a leg. It’s an A for effortlessness.

Allison Janney has never looked better. Like ever.

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At 58, Allison Janney is absolutely smoking hot. She looks nothing short of perfect. Nuthin’ else to say.

Reese Weatherspoon. Easy, breezy.

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It’s not that this dress is my kind of thing, and maybe because it was her night in so many ways, I think she looks just great. Natural hair, no fuss makeup or jewelry. She just looks comfortable and happy. And that’s always a winning look.

And last, but not least, The Big O.

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Oprah’s speech was inspiring and everything you’d want it to be. Which is why there are lots and lots of people who think she should become the next prez. Let’s fact it, stranger stuff has happened….and I do love her, so I’m in. But we have to call her President Oprah, not Winfrey, don’t you think? Anyway, the dress is good and really shows off her hourglass shape. And I love that she wore these bold glasses. Nothing this woman doesn’t know how to do.

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