the bad-it-tude-athon red carpet: day 2073

Ok, that was one of the ugliest red carpet’s ever. I cannot unsee what I have seen. My eyes are asking for rehab this morning.

The Worst. No, really, THE WORST.

Gwendolyn CHRIST-ie

gwendoline-christie-attends-the-71st-emmy-awards-at-news-photo-1569198901

So, this looked like something Jesus might wear to dinner, or like the last supper, for maybe a formal event, a black tie wedding or you know maybe a dressy holiday work party with the disciples.

Kendall Jenner. The When-You’re-a-Model-You-Can-Wear-Anything Hoax.

kendall-jenner-attends-the-71st-emmy-awards-at-microsoft-news-photo-1569199084

She’s long and willowy and gorgeous, but c’mon, this get-up–I’m not buying it. And I’m also not buying it. The dress part is pretty, but the latex turtleneck with the dress part is a definite nuh-uh. Michelle Pfeiffer called and she wants the top half of her Catwoman costume back.

Greta Lee, The green queen.

Greta-Lee-2019-Emmys-683x1024

Greta looked like she just parachuted in from Emerald City. Dorothy, why didn’t you tell her? 

Dasha PolancNO.

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Everything was going swimmingly, and then someone decided to put these pink wings on the poor girl. I’m guessing she wished she could have flown away.

Christina Applegate was dead to me.

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I love Christina. I love her so much, it pains me to say how terribly bad this dress was. But did nobody look at her boobs before she left the house? It’s that sheer-fabric-over- solid-fabric thing that can happen.

Amy Adams. From funeral to red carpet.

Amy-Adams

Condolences to the family. This black peignoir was the worst.

Vera Farmiga for The Conjuring.

So, it turns out that Vera took her inspiration from a movie she made a few years ago. And yes, it was scary.

 

Zowie Kazan, can that dress.

Zoe-Kazan

I feel like that black dress under there was good, but then the clowns came in.

Niecy Nash, Table for Three.

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She is curvy and proud of it, but I was anxious one of those girls was going to do a Jack-in-the-Box thing at any moment. Clear the first row, wardrobe malfunction.

 

Natasha Lyonne shoulda been Russian to get that dress off.

natasha-lyonne-attends-the-71st-emmy-awards-at-microsoft-news-photo-1569199362

“I can’t believe our little Leonard has become a man. I love a good bar mitzvah. Pass me the pigs in a blanket, wouldja, dahling?”

The good ones, and you’re going to make your meeting, because there weren’t too many.

MJ Rodriguez strikes a Pose.

mj-rodriguez-attends-the-71st-emmy-awards-at-microsoft-news-photo-1569199496

Now that’s a dress. I love the proportions and those black bows are everything. Simply styled and beautifully worn.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge should be the new Disney princess–smart, sassy and funny as fuck.Phoebe-Waller-Bridge

I love the dress. I love the woman. She can write and she can act. And apparently, she can also dress. I wish she’d had on her signature red lipstick, though.

Naomi, Watts black dead gorgeous.

Naomi-Watts-In-Christian-Dior-Haute-Couture-2019-Emmy-Awards.jpg

Oh, swoon, love, sigh. I give it a 1,398,087 on a scale of 1-10.

 

It’s black and white, Kerry Washington wears the pants on the carpet

kerry-washington-attends-the-71st-emmy-awards-at-microsoft-news-photo-1569198794

Simple lines, but blingy, too. Love those bangs. There’s no gray area–this is simply gorgeous.

 

 

 

4 thoughts on “the bad-it-tude-athon red carpet: day 2073

  1. I wait for this blog every year. Normally, I would be laughing, peeing a little., but today, I just want to cry. I feel as if I have woken up in another dimension. Or perhaps in a bad dream set in the basement of a closed factory. You get it, creepy mannequins wearing creepy ugly dresses. Screechy violin soundtrack.

    1. Wasn’t it just the worst? All that red and pink, all that just completely unflattering “fashion.” i mean it’s so clear there is “fashion” and there is what looks good. And there is a mountain of difference between the two!

  2. I couldn’t wait to see what you had to say! It was bizarre how bad the dresses were. But I kinda liked Natasha Lyonne’s look especially when she had the glasses on. And I loved Billy Porter’s hat. I guess I don’t go for subtle.

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