gratitude-a-thon day 935: empty nest update, this is harder than I thought

Empty Nest Update: Day 37

A lot of times, I forget that it’s just Peter and Riley here in the house. My body and mind is so used to the kid’s schedules, their rhythms, their voices, that sometimes I don’t remember they’re gone. Then it will hit me like a jolt, like that shot Uma Thurman gets when she OD’s in Pulp Fiction,  and it seems wrong and I feel panic in my gut, like there are a bunch of Riverdancing butterflies in there.

I miss the kids a lot, but we’re lucky to see Ally at her weekly games, which is a little slice of heaven for us (especially with Jake 2,500 miles from here). But that’s separate from my predominant feeling, which is how a job I had for 22 year could simply one day come to an END. I feel like one of those lifers at a big corporate company who gets laid off and wanders out of the building with a box full of moments looking for his future.

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I wish I was Peggy Olson-ing it here, with this loss of mom employment, but I’m not.

I’ve never understood the time continuum, and given my math skills, I’m sure I never will, but honestly, it feels impossible that all those years have left the station. I hate being so ordinary, but here it is, my kids are in college, and I can’t believe it. I mean, COULD I BE MORE CLICHE?

We are creatures of habit. I got used to being a mom, and yeah, yeah, I know that I am still one and will always be one, but the days of kids living in my house is over, and getting used to it is a lot harder than I thought.

 

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