Last night was the Emmy’s, and you know what that means. I was policing the red carpet from my couch. There were winners and ugh, there were losers. And I’m not talking about who got statues.

The worst looks, drum roll please:

1. I love her like I love cheese. She’s brilliant and funny, and snarky and as uninhibited as three year old child. But Lena Dunham, with a school girl shirt on top and a Carmen Miranda skirt on the bottom was a piñata someone should have smacked right off that carpet. Look at this picture, even she looks like she hates it.

2. Michele Dockery has some of the most gorgeous clothes as Mary on Downton Abbey, but last night she looked like the flag of ugly. I kept thinking she was at the starting gate of a drag race. “And they’re off.” She woulda been smart to have taken it OFF before she left the house.

 

 

3. Julie Bowen, with the stick thin figure should be able to rock absolutely anything, but there’s no accounting for taste people, and this woman just doesn’t have it. What’s with the neck thing? Was she trying out for the Chippendales? Ugh.

4. Catherine Heigl left Grey’s Anatomy because she didn’t think she was being paid enough, and would go on to do bigger and better things. People have hated her ever since. And now, there’s one more reason to hate her. She has bad taste. Prom dress, circa 19ugly.

 

5.  Oh Blossom. You took your grandmother’s tablecloth and had a crafty moment with it, dyeing it the worst possible shade of blue and then sewing it into a dress and decided to wear it to the Emmy’s. No. Just no.

 

And the best was really good. Here it is:

1.Like I don’t already love her enough, now she’s gone and looked pretty much perfect at the Emmy’s. It’s all right, the beachy hair, the perfectly simple white sheath. Kristen Wiig is funny, but ain’t nothing funny about this look. A+.

2. Lizzy Caplan is one of the Masters of Sex, AND the red carpet. Can you say, “perfect?”

3. Turns out Crazy Eyes has crazy good taste. Red is the new Orange.

 

4. She’s like one of the boys with her ability to be super dirty in her comedy. She never fails to crack me up. And last night she joined the fashionably attired. A nice surprise, Sarah Silverman.

5. She’s getting panned for this dress, but I thought she looked amazing. Allison Janney had perfect hair, and a form fitting dress that KO’d women half her age. It fit so perfectly, no armpit vagina, even.

 

6. OHMYGOD, when I do these lists, I have all these photos on my desktop and I get a little crazy, so thank you Jessi Haggerty for pointing out one of my favorites, who’s dress i liked so much, i totally forgot to include it, but completely MEANT TO. Cutie pie Sarah Hyland from Modern Family was totally modern and looking absolutely Phi Beta Kappa (she also looked a little like Beyonce if you ask me). That little sliver of toned tummy, the full skirt. That’s how you do it, Julie Bowen. For God’s sake, teach your mom, Hayley.