gratitude-a-thon day 632: small bites friday

The Charleston church shooting is so wildly beyond the beyond of sad, that I am once again reminded of how much more mental health care we need in this country. Please do your part to help de-stigmatize minds that are sick. Please try and be truthful and open when you talk about mental health. Please watch out for the signs of family, friends and neighbors who might be suffering and struggling. I will get off my soap box now, but damn it, we must do better. (I know I am not talking about the racism and gun violence problem that are part of this tragedy, but don’t worry, I am aware of it).

I am thinking the Pope should run for president. This man has got it going on. (And he tweets, too!)

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Where are the escaped convict dudes? I wish they’d just call me so I could know. It’s like a “where’s Waldo” kind of thing.

I have always hated golf. From the dumb clothes to the slow game. But my son is home and he’s been sick for three days with a fever and killer sore throat, and needless to say is not very happy, so I watched golf with him last night. And guess what? He taught me all this cool stuff, and now I like it! BTW, Tiger is so over, but I did give him the best dressed award.

Sometimes marketers get so caught up in their products, they don’t notice what’s right in front of their faces. Take a look at these product names that probably lost somebody their job.

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This is a cool history of Jaws on the Vineyard. Big anniversary coming up. I love this movie every time I watch it.

gratitude-a-thon day 631: Caitlyn could teach Rachel a thing or two.

Should Rachel Dolzal and Caitlyn Jenner have coffee? At the heart of it, didn’t they both lie about who they felt they were on the inside versus who they were in reality?

Unfortunately, Rachel hasn’t been able to articulate her story in a way that makes sense. Her interview with Matt Lauer was vague and unsatisfying. It didn’t have the narrative intelligence of Diane Sawyer interviewing Bruce Jenner. Is that because Rachel is not 65, and hasn’t had the time, or the therapy that Caitlyn has benefited from in coming to understand her identity?

As far as I can tell, Caitlyn hurt people by not coming clean with her secret, just as Rachel has hurt people by claiming she was black, instead of telling them she “identifies” with being black. Is it the same? Will Rachel get a docuseries on E! She’s already doing her own hair, so the show would save on that (more money for E!).

I am all for people being who they are. I love that Caitlyn has gotten real with herself. Her truth hurt people by being hidden, but she didn’t walk around like a woman and lie about it. Rachel has openly deceived the world by calling herself black, wearing her hair in styles that are traditionally black, has gone to tanning booths to make her skin appear darker,  has worked on black causes (which is the only silver lining, because it does sound like she has done some good, but why not work on black causes as a white person?). She’s even told people her father was black.

She may need more than a coffee with Caitlyn, she may need a weekend away.

gratitude-a-thon day 630: coffee break

no-coffeeYesterday, uncaffeinated, I stumbled to my appointment for a breath test to find out if I have a bacterial infection in my stomach. I was not looking forward to it. At all. My stomach has been misbehaving for months, and anytime you take away my morning coffee, well, it’s just not a good idea. Let’s just leave it at that. But, and here is the gratitude, and silver lining, and stomach lining, if you will–I met these really nice women, who were all having similar problems, and as we sat in a little room together, taking our test, which was to drink a syrupy sweet bottle of thick sugary mucous in under five minutes, (which I was able to do, because compared to the colonoscopy cocktail, this was downright delish) and blow into a bag, and have our breath recorded by a nurse every 15 minutes  (YES, THAT HAPPENED), we started to talk. And suddenly we were having an all out symposium on stomach ailments. We talked colons, and colonoscopies, endoscopies, and IBS, and leaky gut, and different ridiculous diets our doctors had suggested, and of course the runs, lots and lots about the runs. And nobody was freaked out, or didn’t understand, because we were all aware of  the shit (see what I did there) that can happen to one’s stomach, and how really  confusing it can be to figure out. So, like even though I didn’t have my coffee, and was dreading this test, these great women made two hours fly by. And even though I came home and felt really exhausted, LIKE I HAD NOT SLEPT IN 127 YEARS, with a headache, I was really grateful to have met  these women, and to have felt understood for a couple hours, and to even have had some laughs. There’s nothing like a little company when you have misery. Not to mention a big cup of coffee.

gratitude-a-thon day 628: watermelon love

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I am a watermelon-a-holic. I’m like the old Lay’s potato chip commercial–“Bet you can’t eat just one.” I have a hard time not eating a whole watermelon. Swear to God. I have almost eaten a whole one all by myself. Not even exaggerating. I had my tonsils out in 3rd grade and the only thing that tasted good to me afterward was the juice of watermelon. I existed on the juice of watermelon for like three days. When I was pregnant with Jake, I ate a half of a huge watermelon the day of a doctor’s appt. and had gained 11 pounds in one month, which was five pounds more than I was supposed to gain. The doctor and nurse scolded me. I was baffled, because I really had been eating well. When I gained only three pounds the next month, we realized the previous month’s number had been watermelon weight!

Anywho, I am always trying to find good ways of serving and storing the leftover melon (that I fight myself not to devour), and I thought this was one way i’d never tried, Here’s to your melons.

gratitude-a-thon day 627: unleash your gratitude: WeGush.com

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You know we here (MEANING ME HERE) at the gratitude-a-thon think gratitude is everything, and you probably think it’s a little something too, if you’ve clicked on over to read this. And we here (MEANING ME HERE) never think there are enough ways to show our gratitude to people who do right by us, to friends, neighbors, and countrymen, doctors, lawyers, and indian chiefs. And so we thought we you might like to know how you can show a little gratitude with a cool website, and today, A COOL NEW APP AT THE APP STORE, called WeGush.com.

Here’s the deal: my friend Martha, who is like the best neighbor, and a person who always makes sure that you get remembered and thanked for even the smallest thing, and is always super positive, and just like all-around awesome (plus she has twins, and don’t you just have to give it up to ANY WOMAN WHO CARRIED TWO BABIES IN THEIR WOMB FOR NINE FREAKING MONTHS and then NURSED THEM, and then RAISED THEM? DON’T YOU? SERIOUSLY?) created wegush.com. The idea came from the years she spent coordinating teacher and coach appreciation gifts and cards. She thought there might be a better, more meaningful way online to give group appreciation, and WeGush.com was born (just like her twins, but not as heavy, AND BY THE WAY, SHE WENT ON TO HAVE ANOTHER KID, TOO. TWINS AND ANOTHER KID. AREN’T YOU DYING?). And then today, the WeGush.com App was born. (Happy birthday WeGush.com app!)

In fact, right now, this minute the WeGush. com app is waiting for you at the app store, so you should immediately download it for the price of da-da-da-da:  NOTHING. Because it’s free, free, free. Anyway, it offers you a bunch of adorable ways to text your gratitude on your phone (your cell phone, not your home phone–do people even have those anymore). And it’s like, all cute, and has a heart, and your friends will all really like it. Here’s an example of a message you could send (with many more on the way):

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Plus then there’s space to add another message. (You can only imagine i would probably use “fuck” somewhere in that message, but I digress). Anyway, I will be downloading the WeGush.com app today. As soon as I stop writing. And I am damn grateful for it. And for Martha for inventing it. And for the fact that she had to have those twins, and I DID NOT (not that they aren’t great, because they are). Ok, everybody go to the app store right now. Say it with me, gratitude.

gratitude-a-thon day 626: you want control? pick up your remote

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You know what’s funny. We don’t have any damn idea what’s going to happen tomorrow, and yet, we pretend we do. We plan  in cement. We project years into the future, because we know what’s going to happen, based solely on nothing more than what we want to happen.  And guess what? It’s all fairy dust. Because in a time span that is smaller than infinitesimal, your plans, your road map for life, your strategically though-out and uber well conceived plot can fail faster than a cat can catch a mouse locked in a small closet. I mean this idea that we have any control is funnier than anything that’s ever come out of the mouths of Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Amy Schumer, and Mindy Kaling COMBINED. And that’s a lot of funny. Maybe we’re born seeking control. Maybe it’s all that time spent locked inside the womb with no way out. Maybe we’re all like, “Once I get outta here, I am making my own decisions. I will never eat another one of those fucking multi-vitamin horse pills as long as I live.” But try as we may, we don’t have any control over anything. Consider yourself lucky if you’ve got a remote for your tv, because that’s the closest you’re going to come to controlling anything in this lifetime. And truthfully, it’s a little bit what makes this thing a horse race. If you could really control your world, it might not be so interesting, because while maybe you’re thinking that I’m describing the lack of control we have as solely negative, I also think it can spring up in ways that are wildly positive, life altering, and downright amazing. I met my husband by accident. I tried to plan meeting a great guy for years, but I never met “the one.” Not until fate intervened, plans disappeared, and spontaneity ruled the day.  I didn’t think I’d get to have a second baby, but I got pregnant in two months (after three years of infertility with my first). I have a long list of stuff that has happened because my plans failed, the control I thought I had was on vacation. Who knows? Who know what and why and where and when? We don’t. That’s who. I’m pretty sure learning to enjoy our utter lack of control, is a key step in making ourselves happy. Let go. See what happens. There really isn’t anyone at the wheel. And maybe that’s actually ok.

gratitude-a-thon day 625: over the rainbow

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Yesterday Ally and I had to go to an appointment in Lexington. When we walked in, it was cloudy, when we walked out, we were in a downpour of every raindrop that has ever lived. We got on 128, where I could hardly see out of the windshield. I was clutching the wheel like it was a piece of Italian bread. The sky was a shape shifting dark gray and black, with peeks of sunlight coming through. About 15 minutes into our drive, a rainbow appeared. I am completely and utterly fascinated by rainbows, for their incredible beauty, but also for their symbolism. Anyway, this rainbow got thicker and bigger and brighter as we drove, and I was literally screaming about how crazy it was. Then it doubled. There were two. I was trying to snap pictures out my window (not a good idea while behind the wheel in sheets of rain), but I really wanted to get a recording of this event, because seriously, it was OUT OF THIS WORLD STUFF. TOTALLY OTHER- WORLDLY. And the light, the light was just crazy beautiful. I’m telling you if God himself popped up in the sky with a thought bubble saying “Look what I can do”, I wouldn’t have been any more shocked at what I was seeing.

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When we got off the highway, the rainbow was still in play, but the rain had stopped. I was babbling on and on about the way the sky looked, the rainbow, how I’d never seen anything even close to it in my life. Ally was busy posting on Instagram. We pulled into Wegman’s, and I’m telling you, I’M TELLING YOU, the Wegman’s building was it up like 10 of those Hollywood Premier spotlights were on it. Wegman’s against a dark sky, lit up like the Vegas stip, and a rainbow to boot. I do not think it was a multi-media ad campaign for Wegman’s, but it looked like it.

I have had some personal struggles recently. I am taking this rainbow as a sign. A positive sign. Oh yes, I am. Life is how you experience it. Slow down and notice rainbows. They might be trying to tell you something.