gratitude-a-thon day 26: The “I Dodged That Bullet” Game

I play this game with myself sometimes. I recently told my husband about it. Now we both play. It’s called the “I Dodged That Bullet” game. It goes like this: I think of things that I am no longer eligible to suffer from. Generally the thing is on the news, or I read it in a book, or I hear it, and pause and think how grateful I am that I cannot have this thing happen to me, because if it were to happen, it already would have (see, there’s a time frame involved in the rules of my little game.) So like, I’ll give you some examples: My parents did not die in a fiery crash when I was 5, leaving me orphaned and destitute. (They’re both dead, and this is not how they died, and yes in a sense I am now orphaned, but I have never been, nor am I currently destitute, although when I go walk the dog in the morning, I may sometimes look that way.) I knew I was pregnant and did not “get a stomach ache” one day and go to the emergency room, only to give birth. (This happens. I can’t believe it, since I knew I was pregnant with Ally, literally the day you could know–I WAS AT AN AGENCY LUNCH AND ATE EVERYTHING ON MY PLATE AND EVERYBODY ELSE’S PLATE AT THE TABLE. I could barely fit into my skirt, went home, peed on the stick and got a plus sign. I WAS LIKE ONE DAY PREGNANT.) My son did not become a drug addict in high school. (Admittedly, we have a few months to go here, but I think we’re in the clear on this one.)  I did not “die of embarrassment” during adolescence. (I wanted to a couple of times, but I did not.) I was not born with more than ten toes. (I do have a bunion the size of a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon, but just ten tootsies.) I did not turn to prostitution in my 20’s to make “ends meet.” (I did work in advertising……) I never dated a physically abusive man. (Can I tell you how LONG THAT WOULD HAVE LASTED?) I was not kidnapped from my house and raised by a cult leader in the back woods of a small farming community (Childhood over, and to my knowledge, I can check this box.) So, do you get it? Maybe you should give it a shot. Although sometimes it’s sad, too. I did not become a ballerina (Nope, and that ship has certainly sailed.) I will never give an Academy Award speech (Although, I am so ready, and prepared to engage and delight the audience.) I am never going to be a wildly successful novelist under 20 (or 30, 40, or 50). I’m not going to be an astronaut. (And glory hallelujah to that. I can’t even imagine wanting to do this. I get motion sick, I’m claustrophobic, and get migraines from barometric pressure changes, so forget being stuck in one of those Beacon Hill closet-sized ships.) It’s a fun little game, and it’s  just one more way to add a little gratitude to your day.