gratitude-a-thon day 822:oscar red (NOT BLACK) carpet

My GOD, some of last night’s dresses were seemingly chosen with a blindfold on, in a dark room. And by the way, what the hell hapened on E! last night? There were like four interviews and they cut to a line-up, including Kris Jenner, who sat around a room grading PHOTOS of the red carpet appearances. Guessing ABC, who now does a red carpet show too, shut them down, but nobody told ME! Shall we get on with it.

Heidi Klum, The color ugly, I mean purple.

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This reminds me of something Mary Tyler Moore might have worn to bed in The Dick Van Dyck Show. Sometimes I think Heidi is fucking with us. “I’m so freaking hot, I can get away with wearing anything, and people will think it’s fashion.” Busted.

David Bowie, I mean, Sandy Powell

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E! online saw this get up from behind and thought it was Tilda Swinton. And of course, you can see how that could have been, but it was a pretty big gaffe on Ross Matthew’s part. Not, of course, bigger than this totally horrific and complete ugliness. I mean, I’m not sure even Bowie would have worn this back in the day. There’s homage, and then there’s hot mess.

Amy Poehler, Inside Out disaster.

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Somehow I can’t imagine seeing this dress and being all, “That’s the one, that’s my Oscars dress.” It’s too casual, it’s too drab, it’s too much fabric, it looks like she could take off on a winged adventure. And before she arrived, she should have.

Olivia Wilde-ly unnatractive.

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Hard to pull off without a wardrobe malfuntion, so I’ll give it to her for having the perfect boobs for this dress, but I hated this bland, trying-to-be-sexy-but-missing-by-a-mile look. And the milkmaid hair just made me want hot chocolate–did the Swissmiss girl have braids?

Jennifer Jason Leigh’s right boob explodes.

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The color washed her out, the skirt had “bad bar mitvah dress” written all over it, the word “dowdy” comes to mind, but it was her right boob that really got me. It was bursting forth with poofy flowers. Is it Breast Flower Awareness Month?

Daisy Ridley looked better in Star Wars.

I loved Rey’s clothes in The Force Awakens. They were sexy, modern, and feminine. It’s too bad, The costume designer didn’t dress this perfectly fresh faced, totally beautiful actress last night.

Mindy Kaling and a cape that’s trailing.

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Mindy always slays. But last night, was an exception. She looked poured in, tied up, and just bad. I also noticed that her lips looked Kylie Jennered, something I would not have ever expected from Mindy. You’re going to have to get back up on the horse, girl.

And the best. Which were pretty great.

Jennifer Lawrence is a Joy.

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Wow. Whoa. Wahoo. This dress is everything I love. It’s black, it’s fenimine, it’s got lace and tulle, and fits in the most perfect way. And her hair. Her hair! Simple, sexy, smashing. I was not a fan of her red Globe’s dress, with the big necklace, and I absolutely couldn’t bear looking at her hair that night. But this look, from head to toe, is a 25. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever seen on a red carpet. ANYWHERE. EVER.

Charlize Theron, Mad (Max) for the dress.

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When you’re 5’10, you’re already ahead of the game, in terms of being a great clothes hanger. But this simply cut, red frock rocked the carpet. That beautiful diamond pendant was just right, too. I wish her hair was looser, or slicked back, but this was a show stopper.

Saiorse Ronan and the wearin’ of the green.

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Way to go in the category of effortless GORG. Top to bottom stunning.  The hair is young and carefree looking, and the makeup is sexy and sultry, but not too much for a 21 year old to pull off. This dress fits beatifully, and the color is lovely, because of her fair skin, and because of the nod she was giving to her homeland.

Spotlight on Rachel McAdams

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This is a beautiful dress. Simple, even though the back is anything but, it comes off as subtle. She kept the accessories to a minimum, and the hair is not stealing the show. Spot on, Rachel.

Naomi Watts that you’re wearing so perfectly?

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This is beautiful. It fits like that glove did not fit O.J. It shimmers, it shines, and looks like she was born in it. I’m pretty sure the necklace made Liz Taylor rise from the dead.

 

gratitude-a-thon day 821: hillary for the win

I love Bernie. His desire to change the country, his grass roots campaign, his genuineosity, and his passion.

I like Hillary. I think she’s qualified. I think she has experience. I think she is a ball buster.

I hate Donald. As in I CAN’T STAND TO HEAR, SEE, OR READ ABOUT HIM. I can barely speak his name without feeling like I need a shower. I can’t say I don’t believe in his views, because HE, THUS FAR, HAS NOT DISCUSSED HIS VIEWS. His deportation rehetoric alone, and anti-Muslim sentiments are reason enough to count him out. His flip attitude, childish faces and insults are what you’d get if a three year old and an orangutan had a baby (with all due respect to orangutans and three year olds).

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I want to support Bernie because he has my heart. But I will support Hillary, because I hate to say that Bernie can’t win, because of course, he can’t if all the people who want to support him keep saying that, but at the same time, I think it’s true. So, as of today, I’m going with HIllary. There is too much at stake. The opponent is too scary.

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And there is just not enough land in Canada for all of us.

 

 

gratitude-a-thon day 819:making it through the storm

Grateful? I’m grateful to be alive after that storm! It was 3 a.m. and all of a sudden it was like the jolly green giant and friends were bowling in the sky, after having way too much to drink. It was front row, at like a Kiss concert loud, and totally stereophonic. The wind was  all competing in the 100 yard dash, and the window next to my husband seemed like it was going to show up in bed with us. I’m no stranger to a thunderstorm, but this was really kind of terrifying. And the temperature: 63! Tonight: 33. (Guess who is preparing to get a weather related migraine?)

But here I am to tell the stormy story. And aside from the fact that one of our trash cans could be on the side of a milk carton, as it appears to have gone missing, we’re all just fine.  Just fine. Fuck you thunder.

 

 

gratitude-a-thon day 819: oh canada

 

In light of the fact that Trump got 45% in the Nevada caucus, I present to you,

The Benefits of Canada:

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Justin Trudeau. C’mon, ladies. RIGHT?

Canada makes funny people, like Jim Carrey, John Candy, Eugene Levy, Catherine O’Hara, Dan Aykroyd, Seth Rogen, Mike Myers, Phil Hartman, Michael Cera, Leslie Nielsen.

Montreal is a foodie capital.

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Ryan Gosling.

Everybody says “a boot,” in place of “about,” which is good entertainment.

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Niagara Falls.

They have cheaper drugs–and let’s face it, if Trump is president, we’re ALL going to need to be taking some drugs.

 

gratitude-a-thon day 818: today

Gratitude roundoup: February 23, 2016

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Socks. Underrated and undervalued. I’m the first to shed them when the weather gets warm, but damn, when it’s cold out there, Go Sox, I mean socks.

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The reappearance of the sun. I really want to give that star a star. Even the bad shit looks not so bad when the sun is walking the great runway in the sky.

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On Demand/Netflix. Once upon a time, 258 years ago, when I was a kid, there were three channels: NBC, ABC, & CBS. Now there are more channels than I have gray hairs, and all sorts of options for watching first run movies right in your house, right on your couch, right in your underwear. Gasp. Joyful sigh. Full-on hallelujah chorus.

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Turkey Bacon. With only 40 calories a slice, need I even say one more thing?

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Friends. People who will pull you out of gloomy circumstances with tulips, and texts, and telephone calls,  who will come over with groceries, and cookies, and tea, and sympathy, who will meet you for a walk with one minute’s notice, listen until their ears go numb. Those people. THEM.

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Adele. Period.

gratitude-a-thon day 817: eddie redmayne

 

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You know how you see a movie, and you’re all like, “That’s it, that performance just has to win the Oscar.” And then you see another movie, and then you think, “NONONO, THAT’S THE PERFORMANCE that should win the Oscar.”  Yeah, well that’s what happened last night, when I saw The Danish Girl.

I was all about Leonardo DiCaprio in The Revenant, sleeping in dead horses, and trudging through snow in -15 degrees (you know, like basically last winter), and eating raw bison liver–JAYSUS. But last night seeing Eddie Redmayne, playing real life painter Elenar Wegenar, who had always identified as a woman, but lived as a man, and finally, with the help of his wife, has sexual reassignment surgery, in a time when such a thing had never even been thought of, let alone, done, was a revelation, a fucking revelation.

This performance was out of this world amazing, It’s nuanced, and heartbreaking, and  beautifully fragile, and Superman powerful. The unbreakable love between husband and wife, is jaw dropping. If this relationship doesn’t get you, you come from Jupiter. I will have on my Eddie Redmayne cheerleading outfit next Sunday night. Cha cha cha boochie.

 

 

gratitude-a-thon day 815: get quiet, get answers

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Sometimes you find yourself at a crossroad and you wonder, what would Beyonce do, and you think of Robert Frost, and all you know is that you want to take the road that Donald Trump is not taking.

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Curve balls, and potholes. Faulty floorboards, and GOP presidential hopefuls that appear to have graduated from Ringling Bros.and Barnum & Bailey Clown College. There is so much out there that can go so terribly, horribly wrong, and yet, this morning brought a pink sky. A dappled, and artistic painting of something more. Sometimes I can’t see, even with glasses, even pulling myself up to within an inch, I cannot see what I need to see.

And then I wait. I get quiet. And I wait for the truth to come floating up to the surface like Jaque Cousteau used to do after exploring the deep dark sea The Undersea World of Jaque Coustea. That French accent always seduced me, and made me pay attention to what he found down there.

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The right answer comes. Even though sometimes it is hard won, and you have to cry some tears, maybe a lot of tears, to get at it. The right answer comes. Sometimes it isn’t easy to see, or feel, or it comes in a tricky box that doesn’t necessarily open the way good sense would tell you, but other times it is wrapped in love. Pure and simple. And all you have to do is take it. Just like that.

gratitude-a-thon day 814:the littlest things

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A sliver of relief. A drop of sunlight on an otherwise gloomy day. A radiator that works, while the temperatures are freezing your saliva. A sip of coffee that’s the perfect color. A song that hits just the right note. A virtual visit from a friend. A funny valentine. Flowers, soup, cookies. A text. A hundred texts. A dog hug. A thermometer that reads 50. Glory fucking hallelujah. Holy gratitude, Batman, hope.