Yawn, yawn, yawn. Am I tired or just reminded of how boring the red carpet was last night. Not a whole lot of drool worthy dresses. In fact, E had unusually bizarre coverage last night and seemed not to have a lot of live interviews. Mani-cam, shmanni-cam, you need to give me the goods. But, resourceful girl that I am, I managed to find my way. And I watched until the end. And one more thing, I LOVE ELLEN DEGENERES EVEN MORE THAN I DID BEFORE THE SHOW, WHICH IS SAYING A LOT. She scored big, even though I hated her opening tux, although she made up for it with her Glinda dress. And now, on with the show.
The hate list
1. Liza Minelli
Somewhere over the rainbow of awful, was Liza. Kewpie doll lips, a streak of blue hair, and black orthopedic sneakers to top it all off. If you thought the “M” in “Liza with an M” was for “Minelli,” you were wrong, it was for miserable, which is what this get up made me feel like. Ellen hit the nail on the head with her witty dis, “There’s the best Liza Minelli impersonator in the audience that I’ve ever seen.” Good advertising for not getting plastic surgery, ladies.
2. Whoopi Goldberg
This is more like “Whoops, I’m wearing a cheaper, uglier, polyester-er version of Julia Roberts Globes disaster.” I know Whoopi doesn’t like to get dressed up, but jeez, a black garbage bag woulda been better than this thing. Her red striped stockings and ruby slippers paid tribute to the wicked witch of the West, who looked better dead under the house than Whoopi did last night.
3. Julia Roberts
Are you trying to tell us that you’ve put yourself in the category of Meryl Streep and that you are such a serious actress, that you just don’t care what you wear? I know Meryl, and believe you are no Meryl, Julia. So, what do you say we get ourselves a stylist and make an effort for next award season? Or stay home and save our eyes from what we cannot unsee.
4. Anna Kendrick
There’s too much going on, and ALL OF IT’S UGLY.
5. Anne Hathaway
If a war broke out at the Academy Awards last night, we’d have been safe, because Anne Hathaway had on armour and she could have fought the battle and won. Either that, or the troops would have recoiled from the sheer ugliness of that dress and unflattering hair.
And the best
1. Lupita Nyong’o
Lupita, Lupita, Lupita. She is like a piece of perfect. From her impeccable, modern, but classic style, which has been utterly flawless in every single photo I’ve seen of her, at every single event she’s been to, to her unblievably poised and lovely acceptance speech, this girl is just plain gorgeosity from head to heart.
2.Emma Watson
At 23, this girl is already shaping up to be quite the fashion forward fashionista. She’s looked really great at all the award shows this year. What I like is that she’s thoroughly modern in an understated and comfortable way. It doesn’t hurt that she’s just beautiful, but I really dig her style vibe. Harry Potter would have liked it, too because she is definitely magic.
3. Charlize Theron
I wish the straps weren’t beige, but this dress is pretty fantastic. I love the bottom with the skinny underneath and see through top layer. That diamond she’s sporting is going to make her shoulders hurt in the morning, but hey, that’s what we do for fashion.
4. Kerry Washington
This might be what Olivia Pope would wear if she were going to pop, and we all know how flawless Olivia’s clothes are. Kerry has really given the bump a bump of fashion this season, and last night was no exception. She looks perfect and effortless. And by the way, I think it’s a girl.
5. Camilla Alves
Probably not that easy to be the “other half” all the time, but Camilla has done the entire award season on the arm of the man of the moment, and still managed to shine more brightly. Although this seems to steal a page from Lupita’s stunning Globes Ralph Lauren dress, I think it’s pretty special. It’s simple, but regal and modern at the same time. And the color is perfect with her skin tone.
And so award season ends with kind of a fizzle. This show did not knock my sox off in terms of fashion moments. Sandra looked fine, but not exceptional. Meryl delivered the expected dowdy. Amy Adams looked ok, but not great. And now, I’m going back to bed.
*the gratitude-a-thon 