you know, it's like a marathon of stuff to be grateful for.
I woke up crabby this morning. I didn’t sleep well and it’s going to snow. And well, have I mentioned how much I hate winter, how I detest it like its the devil, how I would like to kill it, except for I don’t believe in gun violence.
Anyway, I needed a little pep-me-up. I needed a little laugh. And here it is. grateful for whoever put these “photographic coincidences” together. Smile.
There’s been a death in the family. It’s a place, a shopping mecca, the holy grail of designer discounts, with gang dressing rooms and helpful sales ladies. The deceased, which I speak of, was about an hour from where I grew up, and I frequented it from the time I was a baby. Oh Loehmann’s, my mother must be holding a funeral for you in heaven.
There weren’t a lot of great stores to shop at in my tiny little town. And while she didn’t have a lavish budget, my mother loved fashion and she LOVED to shop. She’d only worked at two jobs before she married my dad. One was as a pollster at Harris Polls and the other was as a sales girl at The Princess Dress Shop. With size 38 double D’s on top and a tummy, but a barely there butt, thin arms and legs, my mom was a tough fit. And she had a discerning eye. The Norwalk Loehmann’s was one of the first off-price stores and my mom was its most devoted shopper. Family legend has it that I was taken there as a baby and cuddled by the saleswomen while my mother wiggled herself into one designer label after another. But understand, she was no narcissist, every shopping trip was one of hope: hope that something pretty would fit that chest of hers, hope that she could afford it, hope that she could hide it from my dad.
The shopping travels to Loehmann’s were epic. Often, we went with a car full of relatives. My Aunt Josie would pack food, as going without sustenance during the hour trip might kill us. The truth is she cracked the boiled eggs open before we ever left the driveway. When I grew up some, I dreaded the trip to Loehmann’s. I dragged my five and six and seven and eight year old self around the store, boredom making me lethargic and whiney. But when I got older and could fit myself into the clothes, Loehmann’s was where I ALWAYS wanted to go. My mom and I would climb into the car filled with jittery anticipation and giddy excitement just imagining what kind of bargains we might bag. I always did well there, often coming home with loads of clothes. In college, this was an especially great treat, since my mom would foot the bill. We often headed to Westport for lunch afterward, or to Stew Leonards to grocery shop. It was always fun and always a special time for us to be together. Yeah, we were the original shopping buddies. We had laser focus and a dictionary of designer names in our heads. We knew how to navigate that place like a GPS navigates directions.
My mom so believed in Loehmann’s that when she inherited some money, she invested in the store. And she did well with that stock (and we did our part). After I went to college and the beloved State Fair in the next town became a mall, we got our own Loehmann’s, which was never quite as bountiful as the original. By then Marshall’s was in full swing and discount shopping was well on its way to becoming more common. I stopped going to Loehmann’s once I lived in Boston, because there wan’t one. I changed my allegiance to the original Filene’s Basement and applied all I’d learned about bargain shopping from my mom.
The last I was at Loehmann’s was about five years ago. I saw it out in Natick and decided to stop in, after not having been there in a good 15 years. While the quality had gone down, I did manage to find myself a really great navy Marc Jacobs blazer that I still wear. I’ll hold onto it, just as I have held onto the $50 silver rectangle gift certificate that my mom gave to me in my Christmas stocking, more than two decades ago, and never used. Both the items remind me of a time that’s passed, my mom, who’s gone, and a childhood filled with bargain hunting, with a lady I miss everyday. Bye bye, Loehmann’s, thanks for all those memories, not to mention all those great clothes.
The Screen Actor’s Guild Awards were on last night and you know what that means. RED CARPET FASHION ALERT. I have policed the area and come up with the following violations and sitations.
And here we go with my “Money does not equal taste” list.
1. Mariah Carey. Wait, really? Mariah, 1980 called and they want their dress back. And how did you find the shoes I wore on interviews to get my first job after college? And if you’re going to wear a dress this ugly, at least make sure it fits. And I’m not going to mention that you look like you packed on a few pounds, because I’m not that kind of girl, but let’s just say you did, then I think you could have found something more flattering to wear. This is not a vision of love, it’s a vision of outdated ugly.
2. Mayim Bialik. I know that orchid is the “it” color this year, but this dress is all sorts of wrong, as in not pretty and not flattering, and did I mention wrong. My advice: fire the stylist, and all of your friends who let you leave the house like this.
3. Kerry Washington. While everyone deserves a misstep, I’m shocked at this one from the reigning queen of perfect. I know she’s pregnant, (what do I live in a cave), and that makes it challenging to dress, but as Olivia Wilde showed us at The Globes, you can look off the charts showing off the bump. Not preggers, this would be adorable, with baby on board, it just looked shapeless.
4. Julia Roberts. This woman has no taste. Just plain NO TASTE. For starters, the Pepto Bismol color is enough to make me puke. The cut does nothing good for her body. And the secret, that it’s pants, is wasted because you don’t know unless she spreads her legs, and in that thing, who would want her to?
5. Sufe Bradshaw. I love me a crown, but she just looks like the queen of the bad fit. The girls look saggy, the stomach looks poofy, the length is just plain too long. The Veep would be disappointed.
The Best
There were so many dresses I liked at this show, but I’ll keep it short and sweet, becasue it’s Sunday.
1. Lupita Nyong’o. All hail this girl’s sense of style. I wondered how she would top her gorgeous red caped dress from the Globes, but damn if she didn’t do it. When I saw her, I gasped, momentarily lost consciousness and then sat with my mouth hanging open laser staring at this vision of complete and total perfection (admittedly, I should probably get more of a life). The color, the fit, the necklace-y part. And of course, the perfect good sense to not wear any accessories. This isn’t just the best dress of the SAG awards, it’s one of the best dresses EVER.
2. Jenifer Lawrence. As baggy and bed sheet-y as her Globes dress was, this dress was the exact opposite, giving a big old hug to every curve. Even her hair and make-up look better. She looks young and hot and pretty. She did say it gave her “vagina underarms,” but it was worth it, Jen, you scored big in this little number.
3. Julia Louis-Dreyfus. She never does it wrong, always looks fit and age appropriate, pefectly edited and completely gorg. She’s 53 people, and she rocks the carpet consistently. She plays the Veep, but I say she should run for president of style.
4. Rocsi Diaz. I’ve never heard of this woman, but I know she knows how to dress. This is super simple, beautifully fitting and for me, a gosh darn pefect 10.
5. Camila Alves. Talk about golden. She is killing it on the carpet this year. I want to sleep on this fabric. What a beautiful drape on her body . And what a body it is.
Honorable mention goes to Julie Bowen, who, for the first time ever on the red carpet, looks stunning. I don’t like the dress, but she looks good in it. And it is about a ten hundred million times better than anything she’s ever worn before. Did she read my Globes blog post on her? Glad I could help.
I just had the most real-feeling, terrifying and all-together awful dream, that I’m still groggy and as scared as a five year old who believes there’s a monster under the bed. And get this, I woke up, told Peter because I was so freaked out, went back to sleep and CONTINUED HAVING THE SAME DREAM. I’ve tried to do this when I’m having a particularly good dream (kissing a gorgeous guy, marrying George Clooney) and I’ve never been able to. It figures that when it’s a scare-the-pants-off-of-you dream, I could do it.
Anyway, I went to the doctor for a stomachache, which I’d been complaining about on and off for a while and I found out I had advanced cancer, of something the doctor didn’t identify, except to say that it was in my stomach region. There was no treatment options, just “You’re going to die. Soonish.” I was absolutely stunned. the dream continued on to include telling Jake, who didn’t really react, thinking about how to tell Ally, but not telling her, walking around and thinking about what I would miss, and waking Peter up to ask him if I’d dreamed that I had cancer, or if I really had it. He gave me a groggy nod “yes,” which made me shiver, and realize that this was honest-to-goodness true and not a dream. ISN’T THAT ALLSORTSOFAWFUL?
Then I woke up, confused and REALLY woke up Peter and told him about the dream. I got my bearings and realized it was indeed a dream. Then, and this is unusual for me, since it was 5:30, when I’d normally just get up, I fell back to sleep and FELL RIGHT BACK INTO THE CANCER DREAM. In this chapter, people were telling people about it. A guy from high school, Alan, who I knew since I was a little kid, appeared and gave me a big hug and I told him that I thought of calling him because I was dying and I had known him my whole life. My friend Karen was also in the dream and she brought me cheese and gin, and a card signed by a whole bunch of people in my town. And then it was decided I would have surgery and have a whole bunch of stuff removed. But this wouldn’t cure me, so I’m not sure why I was having it done. I knew that would be the start of my demise. Then I was in some snow bank/house, and one of Ally’s unidentifiable friends rode her bike over in the snow and a soccer uniform to see if Ally was home. And then I was thinking about planning the surgery so it didn’t coincide with my friend Deb’s hip surgery (which is actually real). At some point I was dancing at a party to Beyonce’s “All the Single Ladies,” but it turned out to be a line dance, and I didn’t know how to do it, and the whole thing stopped, except for the two people who knew the dance. And then I went back to my table, which was one of many long tables filled with people who had on weird clothes and I think might have been from high school, at a reunion, maybe. And I realized that I needed to start thinking about dying. And where I would be going (!) And then I WOKE UP AND WAS SO FUCKING GRATEFUL THAT THIS WAS A TWO PART NIGHTMARE AND NOT REAL LIFE THAT I PRACTICALLY YELLED HALLELUJAH loud enough to wake up everybody in all 50 states.
Talk about good timing. Take a look at these photographs. Wow.
Only 80 days until spring.
Good for you Guardian. Keep on fighting and writing, Lisa.
Always looking for more closet space, I’m kind of loving these ideas.
Who doesn’t love a romantic proposal? Looks like Peter Pan finally grew up.
See Riley, you can talk if you really want to.
Jake’s has just finished his first week of classes at USC!!!!!
To carb or not to carb, that’s always the question. Here’s a pretty good explanation.
Can you be too good looking to win an Oscar? An interesting thought.
Lena Dunham in Vogue? Retouched, Jezebel wants the “before” photos.
I am working on some advertising for a really great non-profit called Forgirlsake, that financially helps girls receive an education in third world countries, where it’s particularly hard to do so. There are multiple reasons that it’s a challenge, ranging from not having enough money in their families, to not having proper bathroom facilities at schools, so that when a girl begins to menstruate, she cannot take adequate care of herself, and has to stop attending (can you imagine this flying in our country). The reason the organization is committed to girls and not boys is because when girls get educated, they can really affect change in their communities (also if there is only money in a family for one child to go to school, it’s always the boy and not the girl chosen). When girls go to school, they don’t get married at 14, or get pregnant as an adolescent. They can join the workforce, helping to lift their families out of poverty. Educated girls get a voice in things, like how to spend money, which they will choose to spend on education for their children. This one act can help an entire community change for the better. Girls create real change in a way that boys do not (not trying to sell the XY species down the river, but statistically, this is just the truth). Anyway, I’m happy to help this organization because its goal is powerful and makes a real impact on the world. My art director partner Stephanie Zelman started it several years ago at a high school reunion with some of her old pals (I must be a slacker because at the only high school reunion I ever went to, I just worried about whether I looked fat. Ok, I was four months pregnant, but still, I sure wasn’t thinking about starting a charity).
What’s really interesting about this project is that one of the things I’ve run into while doing the creative is the idea that it’s hard to connect to people who live so differently than we do, whose realities are so foreign. We forget that inside they’re just like we are, falling in love, hating to clean up, laughing at jokes. They likely don’t have our go, go, go mentality of jamming as much as possible into a day and feeling like a loser unless they do (they have one up on us in that way), but in their hearts, I believe they have a lot of the same hopes we all have. Still, it’s hard to imagine, right? Anyway, it is for me. When I see a photograph of a people in a third world country, I instantly feel that they are grateful for what they have and don’t need more (probably because they are so often smiling), and hold onto your seats for this next admission: that they are, well, sort of simple. That sounds awful, doesn’t it? But getting into the psychology of how people respond to things, is useful when you’re trying to reach them. There is a way in which we need to feel a connection to a group, if we’re going to help them. And that’s what I’m trying to find in order to make the advertising compelling enough to get people to make a donation–how you, yeah you, will need to feel to take action and open your wallet, when there are so many other charities right here at home that are vying for your attention and money. And that takes honesty about my initial impressions, even if it does make me sound like a shallow witch face meanie head.
Anyway, I found this video that really helped me today to humanize the face of poverty and the third world, and show that like my inner self tells me, people are just people, loving music and art and laughter and family and friends. Just like me. I think it will help me work on this project. It already helped me have a better outlook on today.
Sadly, I have only been to four of the places on the New York Times “52 Places to Go in 2014. Clearly, I need to make some plans. Hey, did you hear that? I think it was the Seychelles calling my name.
Confession. I used to watch The Real Housewives of New York. I did. The first season (or two). Yup. Go ahead, get on your Supreme Court robes and get all judge-y. I’m ok with it. I’m not particularly proud of this once upon a time weekly habit, but you know how it is when you pass a car accident on the highway, you want to look, you don’t want to look, but you do, and you keep looking until you practically cause an accident on your side of the road. That’s how it was. I just couldn’t drag myself away from such pathetically compelling characters with so much money and venom. Plus there was loads of good jewelry and clothes. I once saw the countess walking on Fifth Avenue near FAO Schwarz. She had on a killer leather coat. I considered fighting her for it (she probably would have won, she is monstrously tall).
Anyway, the housewife, who was curiously not a housewife, but desperately wanted to be one, Bethenny Frankel was my favorite. She was a fast talking, tell all, New York chef with a seriously killer bod, and a business about to go boom, called Skinny Girl. She was funny and self-deprecating and looking for a man (so she too could one day get divorced like some of the other pathetic women on the show). She was the breakout star who met her prince, became pregnant, got married, received a spin-off show about her marriage (and pregnancy and burgeoning biz) and then another show about her first year of marriage and baby. And just when I was convinced she had actually managed to get it all, despite her difficult childhood, she announced her divorce, about the same time she announced that Ellen Degeneres was giving her a talk show (I would consider a divorce if Ellen gave me a talk show. Hey Ellen, what about me?)
Anyway, I thought this was sad. See, I still really liked Bethenny. I mean, she has the kind of candor that gets me. She will tell you anything. She had a really challenging upbringing and she talked about it freely and openly, often with lots of tears and a discourse on all the ways it had crazified her life. That’s a girl after my own heart. But let me just talk about her husband Jason for a minute. What a seemingly great, grounded, hunky guy. A regular guy, if you will. He was made for the camera, but he had a Mid-west down-homeness that seemed perfect for the deeply damaged Bethenny. Our girl was getting a do-over and I was rooting for her. A good choice, it seemed. Her business got purchased for a bajillion bucks, her baby was cute.
They bought a killer loft downtown, with a closet for Bethenny as big as my house (not really, but it sure looked that way). Jason’s parents were kind and sweet and really supportive of the marriage and their only son’s happiness. But you could see that they were sort of leery of Bethenny. These two kids were different alright, but I thought that was a positive. I thought this was what would make it work.
Well, the whole reason for this post is that Bethenny, on her Ellen Degeneres talk show, just announced that she had “settled” for Jason, that the love of her life was someone else that she couldn’t be married to. They’re battling for custody and not even divorced yet, and she is airing this piece of particualry dirty and tainted laundry? Actually, battling or not, this is a no-no. How do you make a public statement like this when you have a child? TMI, Bethanny. You should change the name of your drink line from Skinny Girl to Naughty Girl. You don’t publicly humiliate the baby daddy. EVER. Not ok. I want to dislike her for this. What a shit thing to do. But I suppose I will continue to watch with one eye closed, because like a train wreck, it’s hard to turn away. But yech, teach me to watch reality tv and believe it. It’s just as scripted as a bad sitcom, but with real people getting hurt. For me, it’s a good lesson in knowing that you can share too much. And that’s more valuable than any amount of money Bethenny is making from her latest bout of oral diarrhea.
Some people love a parade, but me, I LOVE an award show. Give me the lights, the paparazzi, the crowds and the carpet of crimson, my couch, my dinner, my computer, my phone and I’m like a pig doing the moonwalk in mud.
My sister and I could give Joan Rivers a run for her fashion police money, as we have badges and we’re not afraid to use them. Beware the snark-a-thon about to happen.
My Worst Dressed List
1. Julie Roberts. I guess when you have a smile that covers a city block, you’re not thinking so much about what you’re wearing, but hey Julia, did anybody tell you that you wore a strapless dress over a white blouse to a red carpet event? With a belt that looked like it was part of the dumb white shirt? This thing was the biggest miss of the night for me. Pretty woman? Um, not so much.
2. Paul Patton. I’m pretty sure they were shooting a movie featuring Paula Patton’s dud of a gown. “The woman who killed people at the Golden Globes with her dress.” This is stupid, ugly and totally unwearable. When she was presenting, I thought she was going to knock out everybody else on the stage and run off with the award. She didn’t, but she could have.
3. Drew Barrymore. I love Drew and her sunny disposition and I actually like the fabric of this dress. But when you’re pregnant, you gotta define that upper part of you, or you look like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float. And I’m afraid this was the case for our girl Drew. Sorry, babe, it wasn’t good. Phone home, and see if they can bring you another dress.
4. Edie Falco. Could I love her more? No. Could I love her dress less? No. You’re not a present we need to unwrap, although admittedly, someone should have, and put you in another dress.
5. Jennifer Lawrence. I have publicly admitted my girl crush on Jlaw, so it pains me to say that this dress did nothing for my girl, but IT DID NOTHING. Well, nothing good, anyway. It did squish her boobs, and force her to tug it up every time the camera was around. Jennifer is so real, so candid, so FUNNY, she should have worn something more fun. This wasn’t just unfun, it was unpretty.
6. Julie Bowen. I have never once seen Julie get it right on the red carpet. Whether it’s her hair or her dress, or usually both, she always looks just plain bad. This year she had on a prom dress for the nerd of the class. And unflattering hair. This woman has a banging body that’s toned and could rock anything. But this dress? Who is her stylist, I ask? You should have your license revoked.
7. I love Lena. Love, love, love her. But this dress, I hate, hate, hate. Ok, maybe I don’t hate the dress, but I just hate it on her. This yellow submarine doesn’t fit well and the hem looks like it was taken up at the last minute. And her hair is not doing anything good either. She looked like she was just having fun with it and not taking herself or the whole show seriously, so I give her major points for that. But she deserves to look like the brilliant, funny girl she is. This was a big yellow miss for me.
8. Mila Kunis. “I’m going to wear a necklace of tin foil to the Golden Globes and see if anyone notices,” said Mila. I did. I noticed. Do I get a prize? I also noticed that you looked dreadful.
9. Zoe Saldana. Where do I begin? Where do I end? This is like four different dresses that might have been pretty if worn separately, but together they make for a style cyclone. She is gorgeous, her body is gorgeous. Why? Awful. Bad. Awful bad.
10. Zooey Daschanel. I love the skirt. I love the top. I love the shoes. But all together, this thing was a frumpy fiasco. And that rose in her hair? I kept covering it up in pictures to see if I liked the look any better, but I didn’t. I think you need a fitted top with this skirt, or a more fitted bottom with the top. Together, she looked like a sparkly grocery bag.
And now for the best of the best.
1. Emma Roberts. I think a black dress is celestial. And this one is cut perfectly. PERFECTLY. I don’t love her hair and makeup, but this dress left me swooning.
2. Camila Alves. Girl, you got a good looking accessory on your arm, but you don’t need it with that dress. Perfect fit, perfect style. You’re golden, alright.
3. Cate Blanchett. Let me just say that I HATE THE HAIR AND THE EARRINGS, but this dress is sheer perfection. And it fits her like she came down the birth canal wearing it. Cate is so flawless in her style, and she always dresses like a lady and not a girl. She is elegant 24/7. This dress is just beautiful.
4. Olivia Wilde. Way to rock the bump. Simple. Beautiful fit. Perfect. It’s not easy to dress for a baby, but baby, you did it right.
5. Amy Poehler. It’s not enough that she is hysterical, sassy and smart. She looked totally beautiful, modern and comfortable in this Stella McCartney. I am all over this look. I LOVE HER. AND I LOVE HER DRESS.
6. Lupita Nyong’o. This look is out of the ball park, and into the next country. I was mesmerized by this dress and the gorgeous simple way she wore it. This girl just burst onto the scene and she is not only gorgeous, she has impeccable style. The only problem is how do you do better for the Academy Awards.
7. Emma Watson. Way to be young and fresh and fashion forward all at the same time. We’ve watched her grow up and she’s grown into a beautiful woman, with spot on style. Hermione would be proud.
*the gratitude-a-thon 